Friday, December 23, 2011

How He Did It!

FINALLY I'm able to sit down and tell you fabulous readers how it happened. How Taylor finally asked me to marry him. I'm going to juggle typing out the story, eating my breakfast, and getting ready for church. So here we go!
The date was 12/22/11, a beautiful Thursday day date that he had spent an entire week planning and was so excited for, I was too! I had a tiny inkling in my mind that this was going to be the day and I had no idea what to expect. I was late gettting off of work (about an hour) and I rushed changing and heading over to his house. We drove off to a trail we had hiked before about 2 1/2 years ago during the summer; we hiked maybe a 1/6 of the way up the trail when he had us sit down on a rock and watch this amazing sunset! He pulled out two To-Go Nutella snacks and it was like having a dinner and a show. He took some amazing pictures of the sunset and us and we headed back as soon as we couldn't see the sun behind the mountains. Our next stop was to Carl's Jr. to have a delicious burger seeing as how I hadn't eaten since early that morning. Once that delicious burger was in my face, we went off to our next activity: bowling! The first bowling alley we went to was booked until 9:45 but he needed a lane sooner than that; we drove about 15 mintues to the next bowling alley and only bowled one game... in which he beat me barely. All of these things we were doing brought back so many memories of when we first started dating and I loved being able to relive them and just be with him that night.
Our last and final destination remained a secret to me... it was driving me crazy! We sang in the car along to songs from a playlist on his iPod that contained all of "our songs" We parked and started walking briskly to a destination that I was soon about to find out. Finally I saw signs for the Phoenix Zoon Lights. I was so excited since I had never been to see them and I LOVE seeing Christmas lights. It was a cold night and we walked close to each other all bundled up in jackets and hats. We walked around the zoo and saw these beautiful lights. By this time I was thinking when is he going to ask me?! what the heck?! but I enjoyed every minute of being with him and pushed my impatient thoughts to the side. Finally he convinced me to sit down so that we could watch a group of trees "dance" with lights to music; we sat by the lake and watched the lights. He asked me if my feet were hurting at all and I said a little... so he took off one of my socks and shoes and began to rub my feet right there. After a minute he looked at me and asked if I was having a good night and I said I was. He then asked "what are you doing every night for the rest of your life?" Then he got down on one knee and awkwardly {but very cutely} took the ring box out of his pocket and asked "Marlee Michelle, will you marry me?"
OF COURSE I said yes.... hello! I was beaming after he had asked and we hugged the whole rest of the night. I'm finally an engaged woman. I'm finally marrying my best friend and am so excited to spend the rest of eternity with him. I couldn't be happier!
Marriage date:
March 10th, 2012

Sunday, December 18, 2011

THE Reunion

Hey my wonderful readers! Over a week has past since the big even happened and I feel it's now time {rather, I actually have time} to blog about it. Aaaaand I have a surprise for you all!! My wonderful man that I waited for is going to help me tell the story!!! {hi TJ!} My narrative shall be in regular type and his shall be in italics. Say hi Honey...HI!
He will talk lots more I promise! On to the story of the blessed day of December 8th, 2011.
First of all, let me say how honored I am to be able to participate in the writing of this, the story of stories {for us, anyway}. Aside from all the days and weeks and months preceeding Dec. 8th, in which I HIGHLY anticipated meeting this girl at the temple for the first time in two years, I think a definite beginning came the night before, as I realized, "Holy Moses, I'm going to see her TOMORROW. ONE MORE DAY." I was still on the missionary clock so I had to lay that thought aside for a bit. Needless to say, the thought wouldn't give up and came to me many a time between then and the next night.
I slept less-than-restfully (but was more than happy to lose sleep over the occasion). Woke up, piled into the van with the other soon-to-be RM's to go to the airport, checked in, etc...flew to Atlanta, and had to say goodbye to two best friends before they left to wait at their gate. I felt a bit of sorrow saying goodbye because I knew I was saying goodbye, little by little, to the most important thing I'd ever done...but then had a bit of alone time to imagine her to whom I'd soon say hello. I waited less-than-patiently on the 4-hr flight to Phoenix, got to see Mom&Family, and (of course) secretly missed someone I wished I could be seeing. "Just a few hours away," I told myself. "She waited for me...We've made it...just a few hours longer."
Meanwhile.... I was increasingly becoming more and more a nervous wreck because MY MAN WAS COMING HOME!!!! I thankfully was able to sleep the night before by staying up late watching CSI:NY with my dad. I woke up a bit early in the morning and headed to the temple to do baptisms one last time before Taylor came home. Much to my dismay... the temple was closed! Whaaaaa?! Yeah... I was not happy in the least bit. I ended up walking around the temple nearly freezing and drove myself back to the house and changed into street clothes. After I had changed, I had to get my Rachel {my lovely car... why have I not posted about her yet?!} cleaned so that she wouldn't be a righteous mess when she and Taylor were introduced. Once she was washed, I headed to the mall to try to do some shopping... key word is try here... I ended up just walking around the mall for close to 2 hours, while being constantly texted by loving and supportive friends {especially Kendahl}. It was so odd to think that I was no longer counting down the days but the hours until I would be seeing him again! As each minute passed, the realization of my dreams for the past 2 years was setting in and I became more and more anxious to see him already.
1:18pm HE LANDED!!!!!!!!!!! or so I thought... nevertheless I got a mass amount of texts informing me of what time it was and what that time meant... How could I not know?! I had become a master time counter over the past year, I knew what time it was! But I appreciated everyones excitement! Once I felt that sufficient time had been wasted walking around the mall... I decided to make my way back to the house while stopping off at a few stores to pick up a few things {this time I for real shopped}. Once I was home... I began to freak out a bit. A lot actually... and decided to do my hair. Which only took me like 45 minutes to do... and I still had 5 more hours to go before he was released. What. the. heck! Thankfully, Kendahl never ceased to text me that entire day. I read my scriptures a bit and took a slight nap... but that was to no avail since people kept texting me congrats... ugh!
Around 5pm, a dear mutual friend of Taylor and I said that she was on her way with another friend to help me get ready. My butterflies were coming up out of my stomach and I could not keep still. I just wanted to see him already!!!! You'd think after 2 years, I would have the patience of a saint... HA! My two friends came over and started putting my face on. I was all nerves and was afraid my friend was going to poke my eye out with eyeliner from me trying to keep still. Out of nowhere, one of my friends ran over to me with my phone in my hand and it was vibrating... someone was calling. I saw his glorious face on the caller id and said ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh!!!!!!!!!!! Yeah.... legit freaking out was finally happening! I answered and his mom's voice was on the other line saying she was calling in behalf of Taylor. I just about lost it. I didn't care really why she was calling because I knew why, I was just so happy to know she was calling for him. She wanted to make sure that I was still good to meet at the temple. I had to control myself from exuberantly exclaiming OF COURSE!!!! so what came out was "yeah I was still planning on going over there after he's released." She said that he would call me after he was released to give me the go. After we hung up, I had to pause the face-putting-on since tears were starting to make their way... and lets be honest, I had waterproof eyeliner AND mascara but I was taking no chances! It was really happening! Holy freaking cow!
Finishing touches were done on the face and hair and I then changed into the outfit I had planned for about a year in advance {us MG's do that type of thing... we're kinda excited for this day}. Everything looked great and I felt totally spoiled and a bag of nerves at the same time... at least I was a great looking bag of nerves. The girls decided to head to Arbys to kill time before the call... I hate Arbys. 'Nough about that. The fries I hungrily scarfed down were only because I had not eaten a single thing that day. I was grossed out... but whtvr. My right state of mind had been checked out a long time ago that day. After they were finished eating, we made our way to the temple thinking we could just hang out at the Visitors Center and wait for the call. We were 30 seconds from a parking space when.... THE BLESSED CALL CAME!!!!!!!! Hallelujah! His beautiful voice filled my ears and I almost dropped my phone. "Hey Honey. This is Eld... I mean Brother Brady." I kept saying ohmygosh over and over again on the phone... I was talking to him in real time! I didn't have to wait months for a reply on a tape cassette... I was talking to him on the phone. He told me that he had just been released and was on his way to the temple.
We finally parked in the parking lot across from the temple grounds and I immediately jumped out of the car. I had to wait for my friends to get situated and finally I asked one if I could go already and she said yes. I was off! In my boots, I still outwalked two girls taller than me. I was a woman on a mission to see her man! Nothing was going to hold me back. It was sinking in more now than ever that I was actually going to be seeing him. This figment of my imagination was becoming a reality once again.
I was relieved when I found out I'd be released at 7:15...plenty of time to go see my Marlee before the end of the night. Everything went perfectly...A few hours with the family, a bit of unpacking, return and report with the stake president, and then...I grabbed the keys (real smooth driving my mom's car) and made the call. I couldn't help but sigh as I heard her try to control herself on the phone, knowing how happy she was. Best day of my life, so far :) Then I was off. I suddenly had a bone to pick with whoever established the city speed limits, but got there at last. After a short walk, I finally saw her...extatic, beautiful...I felt on the inside the way she looked on the outside. She ran to me, I threw my arms around her & pickerd her up, and just like that, we were done waiting.
I got to the place where we agreed we'd meet and had to wait... ever more patiently to see him. We had no idea which side he would come from and my phone was going off the hook! My friends were taking test shots to get the lighting and settings right on the camera and I just rocked back and forth. I kept saying ohmygoshohmyogoshohmygoshohmygosh and trying not to freak out too terribly. Those 10 minutes had been the longest 10 minutes I had ever waited during the entire 2 years. I needed to see him as soon as possible. Suddenly, I looked to my right past two pillars and saw his shillouette... I had not forgotten what his walk looked like after all this time. My soul filled with delight and inexpressible joy as I saw the man I had waited for come my way. He looked amazing! He looked no longer like the boy I had fallen for over 2 1/2 years ago but he now looked like the man I had grown together with 2,000 miles away. The man I had become even better best friends with and grown even more deeply in love with over the 2 years was coming home to me. I began to walk to him and thought "why are you not running?!!!" So I began to run and I jumped into those arms that had been my support and protection for so long; the arms I had longed to be in for 736 days. I said to him "you're real! Oh my gosh! You're real!" He whispered back "Yes I am! I am never letting your feet touch the ground ever again." I hung there close to his body soaking in the moment that he was home at last. He was really... really home. Once I was back on the ground, I buried my face into his chest and cried tears of complete joy. My best friend was back and he was all mine. My friend continued to take pictures and Taylor kept saying "I love you" and "you are even more beautiful! How did this happen?!" (I was freaking out when I saw how good she looked ;) But soon much more cconcerned with just being able to hold her.) We finally pulled from each others embrace and kissed. Our first kiss in 2 years! How I had missed those lips {2 minute club ladies ;)}. Taylor then said hi to our friends while still holding on to me... we were now fused at the hip, never to leave each others side. We decided to walk around the temple grounds and look at the lights but... I honestly was not looking at the lights. I still couldn't believe I was holding his hand and looking at his face. We would stop and look at each other and just look into the other's eyes and live in the moment. We made our way to the Visitor's Center and listened to the Christus presentation; I had both arms wrapped around his arm and sat as close to him as possible. He was finally home...
After the presentation, we went to Dairy Queen for hot chocolate and blizzards. We all walked back to the cars, Taylor and I hand in hand, stealing glances from one another and getting to know one another again. Taylor and I went back to his house to pick up my last ever letter and he drove me back home. Saying goodbye that night was the hardest... I had just gotten my Honey back... and now I had to say goodbye again?! You kidding me?! Oh well... I did... and I was too excited to see him again the next day and the day after.... and many days after!
Life with him back home has been an adjustment but a wonderful adjustment. I have a man who insists on taking care of me endlessly and loves me unconditionally. Taylor was quite mature when he left for the mission but he turned into a real man by the time he came home. Our relationship has even more depth to it and we have a truer and deeper lasting love for one another. Waiting for Taylor Jordan Brady was the best decision I have ever made! They really do come home and it really is as if he never left! As we were at the temple the following Sunday, it really hit me how it feels so natural to be with him again and how everything is how it was before... only better! I do not regret a single moment I spent waiting for him because of all that I had learned during that time. The Lord knew who he would become at the end of the mission and I'm so grateful for the divine support I had felt during my hard times while waiting. He was definitely worth the wait and I would do it all over again!

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

This Is It!

Holy cow! Holy cow! Holy cow!!!

Now I know this isn't THE post ya'll are waiting for... that'll come within this coming weekend... It's slowly but surely hitting me that he is coming home tomorrow.. I'll see him tomorrow and he'll be here!! I can't believe it! It's such a surreal thing to experience, I'm slightly freaking out {in a good way though!}. Lately I've been thinking over the past two years and all that's happened to me to make me who I am today. Just wanted to share with you wonderful people the things on my mind in hopes that it might be of help to some of you in whatever situation you may be in.
I've learned how to live for me and put myself first. My biggest dream was to go to culinary school to launch my path into becoming a chef and you know what... I did it! I finally let go of the path that I was on, which wasn't making me the happiest, and embraced the career I wanted since I could remember!
I grew some tough skin over the past two years, let me tell you. Quite a few people shared with me their "opinions" on my decision to wait for my boyfriend on his mission. I got the classic "arguements" against it and I realize that some were said in my best interest and because they just want me to be happy. In the beginning, I took it all too personal... then I realized I just needed it to roll off my shoulders and keep going with what I felt was right despite what others said. I learned to stand on my own two feet even if I was alone. Over the months and years, I've learned how to filter through everyone's two cents and who I needed to listen to. I'm grateful for everything that I've had to go through to get to be where I am today.
Going into this, I knew waiting was going to be hard... really hard. I never knew how much though. Yet, I never knew how much of a blessing this would be to me. I could never fathom the kind of growth I've experienced over the past two years. Nobody ever told be this side of the story... the ones who make it, the ones who found the two years to be worth it... I never knew. I'm so glad that I've had this time to get to know though, that this can be done!
There were a few time where I wanted to hang up my hat and count my losses. There was just something about that boy and this whole thing that kept me from doing it. I realized that you don't give up when times get tough, you put your head down and get to work. When things get hard... that's when you need to look at your other and figure out if it's worth it. Let me tell you all... it has been more than worth it!
So tomorrow, I'm going to have quite the day. Hopefully I'll be able to sleep in a bit, go to the temple, do some shopping for me and my bro, then go home and work on his Christmas present, then get ready... my heart will be making it's way out of my chest right around then and I'm sure legitmate freaking out shall commence. I get to see my Honey in less than 24 hours! 2 years has been a very long time and I never thought it would ever be over... and yet here we are! My post that I've been waiting to write for a long time! Our Forever After will start to begin soon and I can't wait!
A big thanks to all who have stood by me through all of this. Friends, family, MG's... even those with disparaging comments who have turned around to support me in the end. Those comments never gave me the fire to prove them wrong but just helped me develop into my own person. To learn to think for myself and really know what I truly know. These 2 years have been such a journey and I'm so thankful that I've been able to take it with the man who would stay by my side through thick and thin. He's been such an amazing example to me and I love him with everything I have. He has been worth all the wait and I can't wait to see his amazing face and move forward with us now!
T-minus 22 hours and counting. Stay tuned.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Dearest Missionary Girlfriends,

This post is for you, my girls! As the days are quickly approaching, I have felt that I needed to post specifically for you, to give advice, hope, consolation, stories... you name it, I would like to give that to you ladies. Let me just tell you all how much I love you... I love every single one of you! Those who I've known the entire time I've been apart of this process and those who are just now entering as I am making my exit. Each one of you girls has a special purpose and a special plan that only you can figure out.
Before I ever became a missionary girlfriend, I thought that the entire thought of "waiting" was, quite honestly, the stupidest thing a girl could ever do. Yes... I was a dreaded waiter hater. I never shared my views with girls who I knew were waiting vocally, I always kept them to myself. I never thought I'd understand why girls would put their lives on hold... for a boy! Come on! A boy... then again, I was slightly a boy hater at the time too. I was brought up and taught to be independent of the male species and to rely on only myself to accomplish anything or for happiness.
My whole world and thoughts then changed when I met this boy and he kept being reintroduced into my life. I had sworn that I would never wait for a missionary, even when I was writing 8 of my best guy friends on their missions. I would never put my life on hold for someone, I was living for me and going to accomplish what I wanted to in life, whether or not I had a guy with me. However, I fell in love with this boy and fell hard. Now I know that we all have control over our feelings and emotions and that we are never forced to be with someone... yet it felt like falling in love with him was what was supposed to happen, that becoming close with him was what I needed to do. I had thought about him and myself a lot! I knew he was going to go back on his mission and that he was going to be gone for 2 years... I would not see him for over 730 days. As time passed, I felt certain that waiting for him was the best choice for us, him, and me.
After he left for the MTC and 9 weeks later, his mission, life for me changed and I had to figure out how to live without him and what exactly was "waiting" for me. I still was not going to put my life on hold... but was I going to wait? What was I going to do for school? For work? What life experiences would I embark on? All of these questions came up to me and I started my journey as a missionary girlfriend. I made some major life changes, moved home and lived for me. I made friends, working an awesome job, joined the MG group on Facebook, and got to do some incredible things!
Girls, I never stopped living while he was gone! Yes we wrote each other every week and sent tapes and packages and things of that such but I still did what I had to for me to be the best I could be for my future. I prayed a ton! I cried a ton. I worried a ton. I laughed a ton. I learned a ton and I'm so grateful for these past two years of my life being away from him. I do love him dearly, I truly do. But I would never regret a single thing I've done or haven't done during his mission; it all happened for a reason.
There were quite a few times where I wanted to write him off because I was hurting so bad, having crazy doubts, concerns, and dwelling too much on the past. I wanted it all to stop, for all the bad things to go away and for me to have some sort of sanity again but there was always something that kept me going. Every time I went to write him and tell him I wanted to stop... that's when the Lord stepped in and consoled my aching spirit and gave me the comfort and strength I needed to move on and keep supporting one of His sons doing His work. Girls, don't ever give up! No matter how hard times get, no matter how much you hurt or think you can't go another day waiting... remember why you are in the first place. Remember your missionary and what he's going through everyday trying to share the gospel with others. They need our support and our love.
Once, in institute, we were talking about why men carry an older picture of their wives in their wallets instead of current ones. My institute teacher explained that for them, that was their "Day One" the day when they knew she was "the one." I shared that with Taylor when he was on his mission and when I was going through my period of tough times, he would always say "Marlee Michelle, remember our day one..." Girls... if you know that this is what you need to be doing, remember! Remember your Day One with your missionary... that day will get you through the hardest periods of time of the mission.
Grow with your missionary!!! Learn and share with him what you're doing in your letters. Taylor had his first interview with his mission president when he got to the field and after he told president he had a girl back home, the mission president expressed how important it was for the girl to grow with the missionary. If you want this to work, grow like he is! Taylor and I made it a goal to read the entire Standard Works during his mission, we read from the Missionary Reference Library together, I studied Preach My Gospel the first 6 months of his mission every single day to connect with him and get a glimpse into what he was doing everyday! I shared with him what I was reading in my scriptures, what verses stuck out to me; I shared with him my pondering and my thoughts on gospel doctrine and principles that I had studied out further. I would go on my little soapbox and be Missionary Marlee for a paragraph or so and he loved it! Grow in the gospel with him! Make sure that you two can talk about gospel topics with one another and have serious spiritual discussions... make sure that you two are at the same level as one another.
A goal I had made once he left, was to go to the temple as often as I could. When I moved home, I tried my best to go every week and do baptisms. There was a point where I didn't go for 3 months because I thought that I "didn't have enough time." Ha! You always have time to go! Make the time. There is nothing like stepping into the temple and just setting time aside for yourself in the middle of the week and feeling of the spirit there. Going to the temple truly helped me unwind and get a grip on my life to take on the following week.
I have never prayed so much and had long sincere prayers before in my entire life but I needed it if there was any hope of me making through this mission with my sanity still in tact. I learned so much about the Atonement, forgiveness, Heavenly Father's perception of me, about my Savior and how much I need them whether I was waiting for a missionary or not. I learned how to really listen to the Spirit and receive the guidance I needed for my life and what directions I needed to take. I learned how to keep going when it felt like everything was against me. Even though times got hard, it didn't mean it was a sign to end things... just a sign that a lesson was headed my way. I took this opportunity to learn what my Heavenly Father needed me to learn in these two years and apply it to my life.
You girls feel like sisters to me. I was directed to this secret world of MG's by a good friend who married her missionary. I was hesitant to join, thinking that if I did so... I was jinxing myself. However... this group has saved me! I always felt like if I ever needed to hear something to help me, I could find it on one of your girl's posts! I admire how you girls are going through what life is throwing at you while your boys are away. I admire your faith, your strength, your desire to do righteous things and support your boys. You are all such an inspiration to me and I thank you all for your love and support in the past 16 months I've been apart of this group! I enjoy this secret sisterhood we each have with one another! Keep cheering each other on, consoling one another, supporting one another, rejoicing with another, and keep loving each other! We need each other to help grow and get through this time apart. You will never regret the days you spent as an MG, you'll only regret the days you never lived as an MG. May God bless everyone of you girls and whatever your desires may be! I love you all and hope this post could be of some help to someone reading it. I'll always be here if any of you need me.
Love you ladies!
Marlee Michelle

Thursday, December 1, 2011

The Lasts

This is a quickie dear stalkers. This is the last week of him gone. I wrote his last letter tonight. This is the last of a lot of things... but I'm quite excited for the beginning of a whole new rounds of firsts and news... it's incredible to think that I'll have to get used to a boyfriend again... that I'll actually have a date on Friday and Saturday nights. That my plans, desires, and wishes will all be following through with now.... the way I've come to look at it is that I'm leaving one way of life in exchange for another. Granted, it's a much better life I'm exchanging for, don't get me wrong; it's just an adjustment of going with the familiar on to something new and spectacular. I'm feeling all sorts of emotions and thinking all kinds of thoughts all at the same time... it can be quite exhausting let me tell you. But I'm grateful for everything that I have been blessed with. I see him in 7 days. At this moment in one week, I'll be in his arms again... seeing him, touching him, and knowing that he's real and does exist after all this time! It's been a wonderful ride and I'd like to leave you lovelies with a poem I wrote almost two years ago about my decision to stick with him through this mission. Enjoy.


Voices (Safe at Sea)

Voices carried in the wind
Are rushing, pounding in.
I am out at sea,
Everyone is trying to save me.
Safely in Poseidon’s net am I found
Yet they all try to come around.

Too many voices inside my mind
Drowning my confidence I had fought to find.
Doubt, question, insecurity cloud up my clear sky
Now make me look at my perfect picture and ask why?
Tis not good fortune to make the Creator question her work
For she followed exactly, her Masters perfect book.

The sea was to liberate me
Free to wait and see
Gain the freedom to say “let it be”
I know I am incomplete
For right now it seems
Night can hold my worst dreams.

Faith, hope, and love
Memories, letters, and songs
Will keep me safe, make sure I hold on.
“Have trust in me,
Doubt not, can you not see?
I will last, I am strong
I will prove faithful, I will not be torn.”

The winds yell out “you cannot know
You are too young and still need to grow.”
To them, time is far
Distance too long to make the bar
If my journey be safe at sea,
Do not save but oh, please, support me.

For while my love be in a different clime
Calm the rushing wind and the boisterous chime
Crowd me not and make me not ashamed
Do not discourage but uplift the unmaimed.
“You’ll make it, ‘tis not a long time,
He told you “our lasting love is true
It is what will see us this journey through.
We both know for certainty
It is you and me for eternity.’”
Special posts to follow in the coming week.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

What is Love?

Not to break out in song... sorry to disappoint. My mind has been mulling over a conversation, or rather, mulling over what I had heard from someone who once used to be so dear to me 4 years ago. I won't go into many details of this night, what was said, or what the situation was. However I would like to spew out a few thoughts I've had since this night and what I've come to find out I had learned over the years about love, letting go, and moving on with life once a lemon has been thrown.
Love is a beautiful and wonderful and if we are not careful, we can be swept off of our feet without warning and carried away to places, feelings, and imaginative scenarios that we swear are real. Sometimes we get so carried away in the feelings of love, that rose colored glasses are put over our eyes and we truly believe that "all is well" and begin to overlook weaknesses in others and write it off without a second thought. I learned that it is vital for us to slow down and truly look at a person's character, habits, tendencies, strengths, and weaknesses to really find out if this match is a good one... we can't afford to live in the honeymoon stage forever, not matter how perfect it may seem.
Yet when you find that person, whom you can love their imperfections perfectly... you. hold. on! You can't let them go no matter what. If that person who you don't want to ever live without is within your reach, you work and work and work to make that relationship last. Comparing my two boys to one another, I realized how much TJ had taught me the importance of working within a relationship instead of discarding it when worries and difficulties came along. There were a couple of times in the course of our dating where I thought TJ and I had a legitmate excuse to breakup because so many others would've but he would always ask "do you want to?" of course, our answers were the same. I realized that it was not ok to throw a relationship to the wayside just because life courses weren't going as planned.
When I was broken up with, it took years to realize this, it was actually a really good thing to happen to me. Even though I physically ached inside for months and wasn't healing quickly and became depressed over "the love of my life" breaking my heart, all of the times with him together and away from him, was a good learning experience. I do not regret it at all. That relationship thing whatever you want to call it, had good times along with bad times.... it was all needed to make me who I am today and realize exactly what it was I truly wanted. I learned how important it was for me to finally let go and find myself and be content with who I was as a person before I could give my love and my whole self to another. I had to have a solid relationship with my Heavenly Father before I could trust my heart to another. I learned how crucial it is to allow God into my relationships and to consult with him before moving forward in that aspect of my life.
I learned to let go of something that this boy was right about but is now questioning: it wouldn't have worked out with us. We were both too young and inexperienced to know who we would've wanted to spend eternity with. We both needed to grow up and because we did and because of that night's conversation, I realized how much I had grown in the 4 years of the heartache and life's different experiences, I realized how different we were now. I walked away from that night with a confirmation that I had chosen right in TJ and moving forward with my life. I had an amazing man who know how special I was and how lucky he was to have me and didn't have to lose me to figure that out.
I don't regret a single thing that has happened to me or the choices I have made... I have become who I am; a stonger, more independant, loving, and compassionate person because of all I've been through. I love myself and I wouldn't change a thing.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Gratitude

Allow me to be quite passe with this post because seeing as how it's Thanksgiving, I've got a lot of thanks to be giving! This year has been a tremendous year for me: one of tremendous growth, adventures, explorations, happiness, sadness, good times, bad times, a year to definitely remember. I've been reflecting and pondering about everything that has happened to me over the past year and what blessings I've recieved whether they were blessings in disguise or what not. Let me just express my thanks for 10 things this year:
First... I'm incredibly grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ and the amazing change it has been in my life for the past 9 1/2 years. I believe I have more knowledge and understanding of the workings of God and have a better picture of what the eternal scheme of things. I'm grateful for my Savior and the Atonement in my life. I definitely would not be the same without all that this gospel brings into my life.
Second... I'm so grateful for my family! We are an insane bunch of people and have a tendency to be loud and crass sometimes; they have been an amazing source of support and encouragement when I'm off on my craziest adventure. They have laughed with me, cried with me, yelled with me (and even at me) and I would never have it anyother way. I love my family so much and I am so grateful for the whack jobs that it is made up of.
Third... so this may sound silly but I'm grateful for my dog. He's awesome. Whenever I would come home at 1 or 2 in the morning from a long day of school and work, he would always be the first one to see me and tell me hi.... even if he did stumble over to me from just waking up. He's an awesome dog and loves me no matter what I do to him, he loves to cuddle with me on the couch and my bed and just wants me to pay attention to him. I'm grateful for his love and unconditional patience with me.
Fourth.... I'm sooo grateful that I was able to go to culinary school and do what I ABsolutely love to do! I was so close to not being able to go to school for financial reasons but a miracle occured and I was given a once-in-a-lifetime-opportunity to do what makes me so happy. I'm grateful for the instructors I had at school, the people I got to cook alongside with, the adventure of going to Austria and everyother amazing experience I had while I was there. I grew so much and became my own kind of person from it. I will always be grateful for going to school and learning what I did to make me the cook I am today.
Fifth... I'm grateful for my mentor, Payton... of Chef... of Jefe... or whatever. This man is amazing! Not enough can be said about him and the advice he's given me. He's taught me a lot about patience and working through adversity even if you just feel like walking out everynight. He's my career consultant, my relationship consultant, and now... my hair consultant. I love this man and respect him so much. I can't wait to see what the future holds for both of us in this lovely world of food!
Sixth... this one is definitely odd.... I'm grateful for trials. Yep. Weird I know how can she be grateful for the hard times?! I'll tell you why... because there's always something to be learned from them. I don't believe there are such things as regrets as related to trials as long as you learn from them... if you don't, then time was wasted and you can tend to regret things. Over the years, llife has definitely thrown at me some doozy trials and hard times but I am so grateful for the lessons I had learned and growing up I did in those times. I've learned to look for the silver lining and look for what I can learn in these times and strive to be a better person. Be thankful for your trials because there's always a blessing to be had... you just gotta look for it.
Seventh... I'm grateful for my calling as a Primary teacher. I walk away absolutely exhausted after those two hours every Sunday but I have really learned to love my kids and be a teacher for them. They have taught me a lot about disipline, unconditional love, taking in the simple things and just slowing down for a bit. My kids are a riot but I needed to be their teacher and they needed to be my kids. I'm grateful to re-learn the gospel in such a simple way so that kids can understand important principles for happiness.
Eigth... I'm grateful for my health. I've never had be admitted into the hospital or depend on medications for my health. I've always been really healthy and have never had major life complications that would adversely affect me. I only get a minor cold once a year or less... I've been truly blessed with a healthy and working body
Ninth... shout out to my girls, my fellow MG's. Around August, I joined a support group of other girls waiting for missionaries and honestly... joining this group saved me! These girls are the epitome of faith, perseverance, optimism, devotion, dilligence, and obedience. The road of an MG is not an easy one nor is high sought after... but every single girl will tell you, once it is over and done with, that every single moment had been worth it. These ladies give me hope, reassurance, confidence, courage, strength, and support even when I didn't feel like I was getting much at home for doing what I am. They have always been there for me whenever I needed them and I have tried to be there for everyone of those girls. I am grateful for the Christ-like way in which they handle themselves, other members, and situations they have been placed into. Even though I have never met a majority of them face-to-face, they have become some of my closest friends in all of this and I will be forever grateful for their love and support.
Last... but certainly not least (that saying of save the best for last definitely applies in this instance) I am so grateful for my Honey, my Love, my otherhalf, and my best friend. We have spent more time apart than physically together but it has never really felt like he was so far away. I am so grateful for Taylor Jordan Brady being in my life. When we first met, I had no idea that things would turn out the way that they have; I never would've imagined anything coming from it. Then the second time... still never thought anything of it... then the third time, that's when I started to maybe think that it was more than just coincidence... that maybe there was a reason for him being around and I just needed to pay attention to it. I'm so grateful for who I am when I am around him. I'm grateful for his patience, his logical tendencies, his love, his drive and ambition to always be better. I'm grateful for his dedication to the Lord, for his willing to sacrifice of the certainty of our relationship to do what is his priesthood duty calls him to do and do it with all of his heart, might, mind, and strength. I am grateful for his example to me, for his love and all of his quirks. He is one of the most amazing men I have been blessed to know in my life and am so lucky to call him mine. I'm grateful that when I was so close to giving up and letting go of him, he listened to me, he understood me, but he held on and reminded me of what we had that was too important and too special to let go of. I'm grateful for his faith, for his strength and for his active standing in the church. He has been my best friend for so long and has helped me through so much. He loves me when others would've given up. I don't know what I did to become so lucky in my life, but I know there was a reason he kept showing up in my life and I thanks God every single day for him. He amazes me and I don't want to live without him. Exactly 2 more weeks until he is back home, as a "civi"... it is incredibly unreal and I don't know how to grasp it. As I reread one of his most recent letters, I read a sentence he wrote and it hit me smack in the face "he's so excited to come home to you and see you again!" I'm grateful for his excitement because it just fuels mine!
This year has been remarkable for me. A ton of blessings have been given/recieved and I'm so grateful for everything in my life. I hope to continue to express my gratitude daily for everything and not let it store up until Thanksgiving to truly reflect on my life over a year and be grateful for what I do have. I hope to be ever grateful for even just the small things in life; life itself is something to be grateful for.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Today Is a Special Day

Not only is today letter day (it's Thursday!!!), but today is the 32 monthiversary of my love and I being together! Carazy!! Who knew you'd have so much fun with someone for 32 straight months! I was telling this to Kendahl today because I had been thinking about it all day today, it's amazing how being with the right person just feels like that's how it's always been, no matter how long you've been with them. For me, it honestly feels like TJ and I have been together our whole lives, when really... in the eternal scheme of things, it's only been moments. I LOVE it!Today also marks 20 days left... Holy. Freakin. Are you serious?! Is this reeeeeallly happening? I would be sooooooo upset if I woke up tomorrow morning from this super realistic dream and had it dawn on me that he had just left the day before. This has honestly popped into my head. However, I can distinguish reality from my vivid imagination luckily!I got the most amazing letter from him today. I just couldn't help but imagine him in my head, like what he really looks like; what his facial expressions where as he wrote this letter. Imagine the thoughts running through his precious head as he tried to tell me the important things in this weeks letter. Sometimes I feel bad for being sooo excited to have him come home when I know hoe much he loves his mission and being a missionary. I know that the other missionaries, mission president, members, and investigators all love him over there and I sometimes I feel like I'm selfish for wanting him home in 20 days. But then I quickly get over it as the next wave of excitement and oh my goodness oh my goodness hits me and I feel like I'm going to go into cardiac arrest at any moment.Some of my fellow MG's are throwing me a "graduation" party this weekend! I love girls nights and I love that sooo many people are excited for me! I'm excited for me too!Honestly though. Today has been a special day and I've been so happy these last few days. I'm enoying this prep time! It's exciting and before I know it, the day will be here and I will be on a respirator trying to keep myself alive. I just need to get my hair did (finally) and grab a few things for that FABulous reunion outfit! Gotta knock him dead!

Sunday, November 13, 2011

It All Comes Down to Faith

I'll admit, with the time winding down to the homecoming/reunion, I sometimes begin to worry about the what if's. The biggest one is "what if it just doesn't feel right after 2 years when we see each other?" And it's scary... to think that I've spent 2 1/2 years with someone (most of the time with him away) and it just might not work out when everything is all settled and we can finally take a breath once again... my mind has been going on and off. Yet, as I think about these things through, I recieve comfort that all is ok and to have faith.
Faith. Such an interesting attribute. Just when I think I have it, something comes along to knock me down and I end up thinking "where's my faith?! I just had it!" and it takes me sometime to regain my position and become strong once more. I do have faith, I really do. Just sometimes I forget it or forget what I know when I am in my despairing thoughts.
Throughout the mission, I've had worries ie "what if's?" but never felt compelled do act upon them. Weird I know. Here's a little story for you wonderful readers:
Once upon a time I was in real like with this guy and while he and I were both off at school, I began to feel like I needed to break whatever it was we had, off. I was confused as to why I had these feelings and began to read my scriptures for an answer. I was impressed to go to a scripture in D&C and as I read it, I felt happy that I had found an answer but, at the time, had no idea what it meant. Later, my heart was broken by this boy and I reflected back on that scripture often.
Fast forward about 4 years, I am on the last leg of the waiting for a missionary. Like I had said before, I have had what if's and freak outs throughout the whole mission and yet something has always comforted me and have always felt like I needed to continue on in this journey. I cannot tell you how many times I have read my scriptures to get my answer from the Lord, fully expecting that same scripture in D&C from before to pop into my mind, and yet being directed to scriptures about faith and trusting in the Lord. I'm sure that looking back 5 years from now, in hindsight, I'll say to myself "how could you not know what that meant?!" I'm a slow learner at times it seems...
One scripture that I've always come to and has stuck out in my mind is found in Matthew 14, the latter end of the chapter. Before, in these types of instances, my mind has always been drawn to the part where Peter goes out and walks on water to talk to Christ and when he is within arms reach of the Lord, he begins to lose faith and sinks within the water. The part that had stuck out to me always has been vs 31 when Christ "immediately stretched forth his hand and caught him and said unto him, O ye of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?" That part had helped me through so much to know that there was no need to doubt with Christ so close to my side to be there and lift me up when I began to worry.
However, today my mind was drawn to an earlier part of the story. I was sitting in church not totally paying attention to the first speaker until he began to tell this story and it was his emphasis on the 25th verse which said "and in the fourth watch of the night Jesus went unto them, walking on the sea." For some reason this really caught my attention and it caused my mind to mull it over. Sometimes when we ask for relief or for comfort or for saving or for any kind of answer we may need, it isn't until the fourth watch of the night, or until the last minute that we are given what we desired, if that's what the Lord willed. Sometimes we are made to wait and have our faith tested until He comes to help, comfort, reassure or whatever the case may be. I just began to feel that my faith during this trial will continue to be tested until the fourth watch. That I have to wait until the very end to get what I've been asking for: for comfort, validation, reassurance, and strength.
Funny how faith works. Faith requires patience in the Lord and His timing. It requires you to become humble enough for the answer and for the wait to have the mysteries of God unfolded.
"Sometimes beautiful things come into our lives out of nowhere. We can't always understand them, but we have to trust in them. I know you want to question everything, but sometimes it pays to just have a little faith.” I guess it all just comes down to faith, especially in the last moments of the wait.

Monday, November 7, 2011

30 DAYS LEFT!!!!!!

This face says it all...

I'm quite excited about this! Tomorrow is exactly one month and I couldn't be happier {that is until I see his face again...}

That's it.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Happy Thoughts For a Happy Day

Just having a Sunday full of random and yet somewhat related thoughts... Pondering.

She's never been one to wait around. She's always moving and dancing and running.
But for some reason, with him,
She's patient. she'll wait.
She'll wait for nobody, and nothing else, except him

.....................................................................................
If you want a thing bad enough to go out and fight for it, work day and night for it, give up your peace and your sleep and your time for it. If only your desire makes your aim higher never to tire of it. If life seems all empty and useless without it, and all that you dream and you scheme is about it. If gladly you'll fret for it, sweat for it, pray with all your strength for it. If you'll only go after the thing that you want with all your capacity, strength, and sagacity, faith hope and confidence, stern pertinacity. If neither poverty nor pain nor famish and gaunt, can keep you away from the thing that you want, if dogged and grim you besiege the beset it, guess what, you'll get it!

.....................................................................................
The Missionary's Girl:

Somewhere between the whirl of teen-age dates and the responsibility of matrimony, we find a lone creature called the Missionary's Girl.

They come in two varieties... engaged and hopefuls. They come in assorted sizes, weights, and colors, blue being the most common.

The missionary's girl is found at home, missing parties (Just the parties that have overzealous RM's), staying away from dances (too depressing without ??? there), paying her own way to the movies, and buying stationary by the gross.

Missionaries love them, young girls look up to them, parents tolerate them, postmen hate them, and weekly letters support them.

A missionary's girl is a composite. She has the appetite of a hormonally unstable 18-year-old girl, the enthusiasm of a wet noodle, the patience of Job, the persistence of a stainless steel salesman and the imagination of Scherazade.

She likes letters from the mission field, invitations to his home, long distance telephone calls, items for his scrapbook, pictures of him, and other girls who are waiting (I LOVE my MGs!).

She isn't much for Saturday nights out on the town ; people who say, "Two years is a long time"; or “Don’t waste your time” or the classic “ so much can happen in two years” , new clothes with no one to wear them for; sad movies and music; movies with love scenes; knitting; wedding receptions; little sisters who date; calenders; and "Dear Janes."
A missionary's girl is an odd object: She can get lonesome, discouraged, and temporarily lose faith in the whole missionary system. No one else can write such cheerful letters in such a rotten mood. No one else can get such a thrill at the end of the day by the words, "Why yes, there is a letter for you." Nobody else is so early to bed and so early to rise.(More like....Nobody else is capable of writing such competent, lengthy, and entertaining letters in the wee hours of the morning.)
A missionary's girl is virtue with no chance to be otherwise, faith with twenty-four months to wait, prudence with 69 cents in her savings account, and beauty with no one to give a darn.

Yes, she is all this, but it will all be forgotten the day he receives his letter of release and, upon his arrival home she will probably utter the words she once considered trite, "It hasn't seemed like any time at all!"


.....................................................................................
“You’re incredible, Marlee… I can’t imagine anyone more amazing, and I could never ask for someone better"

“I love you more than you know, Marlee Michelle"

“Like before we were dating I thought you were cute, but now you’re just the most beautiful thing in my world.”

“I’m very much in love with the kind of girl you are"

“I love you with everything I have Marlee. I couldn’t love someone else this much. I want you to know that.”

“I miss you, your love pushes me to strive for perfection!"

“You already know I’d be the happiest man in the world with you. I’m already the happiest boyfriend"

“Yes!! That makes me so happy! We’ve waited 20 years for this Baby :D” cont… “Oh but I already have you. Twenty two will just be when I’ll have the guarantee that I can keep you.”

“I love that I’m in love with my best friend Baby Girl.”

“You are so precious to me, Marlee. You’re my everything.”

“I adore you. I can’t wait for you to be my wife.”

And finally...

“Well she became my best friend after months of talking to me, till she learned all about me and what was going on in my life and she trusted me with what was going on with her too, and she genuinely cared about me and loved to help. Then we started to hang out and realized we love to do a bunch of the same things and had a ton in common with each other and I found out I had more fun with her than with anyone else. Then added on to that was the fact that she was always there for me when I was sad or sick or needed her some way, and she just slowly became my best friend and the one I want to spend the rest of my life with.”

Just 31 more days... Complete bliss {happy sigh}

Thursday, November 3, 2011

5 Weeks

Today has been an absolutely fantastic day! For one reason


I woke up this morning and remembered that today marked 5 weeks left! Huge deal here! This past week I've had a hard time dealing with a mental battle from things said earlier from a friend which really rattled me. I began to question everything and freaking out about my relationship with my Honey. Then today... it all hit me; from what a temple worker said this morning, what my Love said in his letter today, what another close friend said about him, shopping for the makings of his Christmas present... I have an amazing man next to me. I can stop worrying and begin to have faith in this wonderful person that I have been extremely blessed to have in my life and to have hope in the future. It can be terrifying at times but this guy has made it worth everything these past {almost} two years. All of the tears, worries, anxiety, sleepless nights, heartaches, he is worth it! The happiness I feel whenever I am with him, when I get letters from him is inexpressible. The feeling of everything just fitting and falling into place with him is incomparable. Knowing that he loves me unconditionally and without restraint is priceless. Knowing that I can trust him with my heart and that he will take care of me for eternity is comforting. I've known this very early in our relationship, that I could marry him, that he was everything I had ever wanted and always needed and even more. That he is the rightest of right for me, my other {and better} half, my knight in shining armor, my Prince Charming, my best friend, fellow adventurer, the love of my life, the one I want to spend forever and ever with. He's everything.
Many people have told us that 2 years would tear us apart, that I wouldn't wait, that too much would change, he wouldn't want me, I'd find someone better. On and on... they weren't supportive at first, for a very long time. Sometimes I had listened to what they said and grew to worry but Taylor was always right behind to knock some sense into me and to remind me of what was real and not speculation. He's never given me reason to doubt him or his love or commitment. He's always been so supportive of me and whatever I wanted to do. He's written me every single week of his mission. He's always been so loving and caring and absolutely compassionate to me. He has made the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life just a bit easier. Nobody could ever make waiting easy, but he made it bearable and easier.
With 5 weeks left until I see him, I've decided that I'm going to give up on worrying, give up on the questions... everything negative I'm just going to put it aside and let it be. I'm going to live up the next 34 days and enjoy this time of preparation to see my man again! I've got quite a bit to do so I have to stay on top of it and I want to be happy during it all! No more mopey for me, no more frowns or being depressed or beaten up. I'm going to be ecstatic the next few weeks for my Love to be home and not stress about a thing. There's no reason for it! He's coming home and it's going to be the best day of my life! All thanks to him!

I've had the best 2 years of my life and I owe it all to him


Tuesday, November 1, 2011

First of November...

Yes.. It is the day after Halloween
Yes.. It is in fact the first day of November
Yes.. It is Tuesday...
However, that's not all!
Today marks the last month ever being away from my Honey of Honey's! I'm quite stok'd about this (I am Californian... I do not excused myself). Lots of changes are about to happen here... mucho preparations are going to start to be made. My skin clearing regime, healthier eating, more walks/runs (mostly to reduce anxiety), attending the temple more frequently, adjusting my schedule.... I may or may not also be thinking about getting a body wave in my hair. Opinions??? Please comment to leave your thoughts, advice, and opinions on my hair. My mom has always said that I should get a perm, I love curly hair, my boy LOVES when my hair is curly... I'm just scared. It's like getting a new style or cutting a significant chunk of your hair off, it's new and I need support ya'll! So here's my hair now


me on the right
And I want my lovely hair to kinda looked like this hairstyle

And this one
had a love child and created a wonderful combination of both. I would be happy with that. I could live with my hair looking like this for 3 months! I just need to find someone near me that could do this and not ruin my beautiful hair! Please comment and let me know, faithful readers... what you think! I need to get the hair done, no later than December 1.... one month people! One. Month! Ready... and go!

Sunday, October 30, 2011

How Is This A Bad Thing???

I logged on to Facebook yesterday before I took off for the day spending it with my brother and I saw something that slightly disturbed me...
There's this girl that went to culinary school with me, at first glance anyone could have every right to misjudge her; had black and purple hair, anti-God tattoos, piercings everywhere, was into body modification, had dreads... yeah she was a character. And she had an attitude to go with it... she hung around the wrong crowd, swore almost as bad as my dad does (he was in the Navy... so he honestly swears like a sailor), smoke, drank, partied... all that jazz.
One day, this girl met this boy. This boy changed this girl around. She took her dreads out, her attitude toned down a bit, she hasn't been out partying as much and has just been a nicer person to be around and not have such a harsh first impression of her. She also has been posting quotes from Psalms and other parts of the Bible; big shock for me but I'm proud of her.
Back to yesterday, I got on Facebook and I saw her status and thought it truly was a beautiful post. She basically (in a terribly small nutshell) said that she has gained reassurance from the Lord of who she is because of his Spirit and how she can be confident in herself because he has confidence in her. I thought it was a wonderful post and enjoyed reading it. As I was getting ready, I saw that someone had commented on her status and said "Are you ok? You're getting all religious on us..."
How in the world is that a bad thing? Why should a simple and beautiful declaration of gained confidence and assurance in yourself because of your renewed relationship with you Creator raise any kind of concern? I mean, I could understand a raised level of concern if she went off about the current economic crisis, how work screwed her over, the school ripped her off or whatever and she was going to whack someone at the school to solve all her woes...
Concern for that I could understand, in fact I probably would've been the first one to say something to calme the situation. However... when does proclaiming one's new-found belief in Deity, morals, standards of living, declaration of hope etc... cause anyone to raise an eyebrow and ask if that person if they are ok??? What has this world come to? When have we must all of a sudden defend ourselves for posting a semi-religious quote on a social network that has no real value in the real world? When has talking about religion become grounds for offenses to be exchanged and feelings to be hurt? Why have we allowed religion and spirituality to take a back seat in our society and have become ashamed to share these sentiments? Why have we asked the Lord to sit quietly in the dark corners of our lives while we romp around in our lives and deny his very existence when it's convenient for us... then when our lives go up in flames, wonder why he wasn't there to save us and wonder "if God loves us, why does he let bad things happen?"
Some people...
Like I said in a previous post, I'm not one to wave my religion in people's faces, if they want to know more... I'm more than happy to talk to them and answer questions. However... I will never excuse myself for being "too religious" or apoligize for sharing a declaration of gained confidence because I have realized my divine nature and my personal worth to an All-knowing, All-powerful, All-Loving and Supreme Being. And neither should this girl I went to school with. Neither should anyone for that matter.
Seems to me like the world has lost a sense of reality on the eternal perspective of what really matters and what doesn't... what should make a person raise an eyebrow in concern and what should be complimented for significant progress in turning a life around... for the better!

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Tis the Freakin Season....

I promise I am in no way venting in this post... I'm just missing a special someone.
There seems to be two seasons for weddings: Summer... and Winter.
Occassionally there'll be weddings in between those two but those are rare and those individuals are quite weird. I've been to two weddings in the past 2 weeks and I have... about 2 or 3 more coming up here soon. Last year was worse though, I got 2 or 3 invitations in the mail a week! Everybody and their brother was getting married. Holy crap! I definitely was missing my boy very much and had a pang of jealousy and a touch bit of resentment to those who were getting married. Don't think I'm a horribly human being, please, because I was truly happy for those getting married and was excited to get their announcements/invitations. However, I couldn't help but looking up and saying quietly why not me?! Am I broken? Am I not worthy of this blessing? Why do I have to wait?? Almost instantaneously, a line from a poem would come to my mind that would help explain to me why:
You will never be united with another
Until you are united with me...
I won't read into other's relationships and the reasons for them moving on into a married life before me and why I have to feel like an old maid for so long but I know that when it's nights like these that I need to focus on the time I have to grow and progress into the woman I need to become and be worthy of the blessing of marriage. I also have to remember that I do have a man that I am going to marry, we just had to go through this stage to really appreciate each other and be put to the test. Make sure that our relationship was based upon a lasting friendship that will help us get through the toughest of times when we might not want to see each other's face for a while... I'm not banking on that happening but stranger things have been known to happen.
Once, before TJ left for his mission, he and I were talking about my single status for 19 years of my life and the possible reasons why and what he texted me when I had asked why took my breath away...
Maybe Heavenly Father was saving you for the one guy who would treat you like the angel you are
I think I'll keep this one. He's worth waiting for!
So tis the season for everyone to get married, it's ok. Bring it on. I'll get my own soon. And it will have meant more to me than anything else I have ever wanted because I had to wait, a very loooong time, to get this one thing! The one man who will always make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world

Thursday, October 20, 2011

If You Can't Handle the Heat....

I realized this week just how strong of a person I am when it comes to dealing with crap put out in the kitchen. It is quite cliche and everyone has heard of this statement but honestly... if you can't handle the heat, get out of the kitchen! Get out of my kitchen son.
For 3 months, I went through some of the worst times that made fellow cooks question as to why I was still at my job. I even wondered why I was still there. What was keeping me there? I honestly had no idea other than just the goal of staying somewhere for an entire year before moving on to a new kitchen. But I stayed! I never gave up, I came reeeeeeallly close believe you me. But I stayed.
This past week we had a new guy starting on sandwiches for lunch service. Sandwiches. How hard is that? Let's get real... I have to run 2 stations. That equates to cutting and making salads to order, pulling and building flatbreads to order, build desserts to order, do prep, make vinaigrette's, switch out both stations and start to set up for the night cooks. Do I get yelled at? I used to. For the longest time I thought I was the slowest and messiest cook at work; I had diminished my self confidence because of constantly being yelled at during service.
All homeboy had to do was build sandwiches, set up his station and just. make. sandwiches. He was slow and couldn't keep up; my sides were waiting on him. The chef was telling him to step it up and get it together. He ran out of stuff and it was just a rough lunch for him. I thought he did alright though... but what do I know... I'mjustasaladgirl... The next day he came into work 45 minutes late and threw in the towel. He "helped" set up the station and deuced out... Really??? he said that he couldn't handle the "hostile" environment and the constant being yelled at... Boy you wanna not be yelled at??? You are in the wrong industry. Chef's don't know how to talk with inside voices... it's too loud in the kitchen. If you think you suck when you start at a new kitchen, you're right! You do... but still not knowing sets for sandwiches after 5 lunch services... check into becoming a gym teacher... not much you have to do there.
Obviously, I don't appreciate primadonnas in the kitchen, especially when they believe they deserve certain things when they're the new guy. My advice: get over yourself and just bang out dishes. "Yes Chef" "Yes Chef" "Yes Chef." It's just food. Once you get people in the mix... that's when things get messy.
It boosted my confidence when my chef told me how good I have been doing the past 6 months there and how he wants to progress me in the kitchen, where he wants me to move and how valuable he sees me. I am actually good at my job. Looks like a girl can hold her own in a kitchen... I out lasted a new guy by just doing what I do best.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Tonight's Preview

Today marks yet another mini-milestone! 50 days until my Sweetheart is back home! I had a tiny preview of what that night will look like when we are reunited again after 736 days!
To spoil a bit of the story for you all, my Love and I will not be seeing each other for the first time at the airport, at the Stake Center, or even at my house after he has been released. We don't want to see each other until he has been released because honestly... I never want to shake that boy's hand (let's be real...) and it'll give his family time to be with him before he is released and he comes to see me. Our first plan was for him to just come over to my house after he was released and do that whole thing. One day, sometime last year rsmthng... he had sent me a tape and on that tape he had suggested that we meet each other at the temple. I loved that idea and told him so; so that's the new plan of action... meet each other at the temple after he has been released. I will have two of my close friends to distract me that entire day (I asked him not to send me flight plans as I want the time to go by as fast as it can for me to see him as soon as I possibly can) and be there at the temple with me to take pictures of us two so ya'll can see the moment as well. I have to start getting outfit ideas together so I can knock him dead after two years of not seeing his woman. I've got plans that I need to start rolling into action here soon!!! He's coming home!
But to get back to the whole temple topic, tonight I had a preview of just what my night will look like, giving that he is released at night and not the afternoon. I went to the temple tonight to do baptizms for the dead, since I won't be able to go my normal time and saw that the temple already had some lights up!!! I'm sooo stinkin excited! I love the Christmas time when the temple gets all decked out in lights and nativity scenes! It's honestly one of the most beautiful things ever. Aaaaaand with him coming home in December, that means that I will get to see him with Christmas lights in the background! Romantic much??? I love the idea! So here's the preview of what I get to look forward to:

I'm quite excited! I'm ready for my fairytale night!!! Just gotta find my killer outfit now....

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

I Don't Normally Do This...

I'm not one to get on a soapbox very often or go off about my beliefs and faith unless someone is truly interested rather than being curious. And I'm definitely not one to just post it for all the world to see. One of my biggest pet peeves is listening to people ignorantly bash on the military or my religion. I understand that people have different believes and different moral codes to live by... I don't care to be honest, I'll listen to what people have to say as long as they sound somewhat intelligent and like they have put some thought behind it all. Lately (within the past few days actually) there has been quite a stir concerning my churches' beliefs and standing within in the Christian community. All thanks to this guy

Not Anderson Cooper, he's alright. Jeffress... that guy on the right

Ever since Mitt Romney stepped onto the presidential candidate back in 2006, the LDS church has gotten a lot of spotlight and a lot of criticism due to people, like Jeffress, who like to bite off more than he can chew about a subject he clearly knows nothing about (as can be seen in his interview). I'm in no way endorsing Mitt Romney (I'll pay attention later on when a candidate has been selected) nor am I trying to convert the world with one blog post. I just want to set the facts straight and do what I can to try to stand up for something that I hold dear to my heart against hacks like Jeffress.

I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. As a Latter Day Saint, I am proud to say that I am a Christian, indeed I profess to follow the teachings of Jesus Christ. I have read and studied the Holy Bible, namely the Old and New Testaments and have come to know them as the word of God as long as it is translated correctly. I also, have read the Book of Mormon: Another testament of Jesus Christ, and have come to know it to be the word of God as well. I have not been a member of this church my whole life, in fact I'm a convert to this church and became a member a little over 9 years ago. So I actually researched the church, I have out it's teachings to the test and after many many many times, I have come to find this church consistent with it's teachings and that it truly is Christs' church, as it's name boldly professes to be. The LDS church, or more commonly referred to as, the Mormon church, is in fact a Christian church.

For those who wish to call the "Mormons" a cult, whether sociologically or theological, it really doesn't matter, need to look up the definition of a cult. If we use the Merriam Webster Dictionary definition of "cult" will come to see that all religions would fit under that category. Seems like people need to research definitions before flaying out words in hoping to make their point seem valid. What makes the LDS church so different from any other church in the world is that it is not a reformed church, rather it is a restored church. Meaning we believe that our church is structured after the model that Christ himself formed in ancient days during his ministry. We believe that Jesus Christ restored His church through Joseph Smith, a man called by God to be the first modern day prophet. It was through the power of God that Joseph Smith restored this church, translated the Book of Mormon, translated the Kings James Version of the Holy Bible, and bring to light many of the necessary ordinances we believe to be crucial to salvation. It was through Joseph Smith, that Jesus Christ began to run his church and continues to this day through our current living prophet. If any Christian who knows their Bible and know that " Jesus Christ the same yesterday, today and forever (Hebrews 13:8)" could agree that it would seem odd that a loving God would let there be prophets in ancient days but not in modern days, seeing what a mess the world is in now. So why not have prophets in latter days? Seems like a principle that makes sense considering what is said in the Bible.

For those who profess that Joseph Smith was a fraud, that he made up the entire Mormon religion, give this food for thought a mull over:


May I refer to a modern “last days” testimony? When Joseph Smith and his brother Hyrum started for Carthage to face what they knew would be an imminent martyrdom, Hyrum read these words to comfort the heart of his brother:

“Thou hast been faithful; wherefore … thou shalt be made strong, even unto the sitting down in the place which I have prepared in the mansions of my Father.

“And now I, Moroni, bid farewell … until we shall meet before the judgment-seat of Christ.”7

A few short verses from the 12th chapter of Ether in the Book of Mormon. Before closing the book, Hyrum turned down the corner of the page from which he had read, marking it as part of the everlasting testimony for which these two brothers were about to die. I hold in my hand that book, the very copy from which Hyrum read, the same corner of the page turned down, still visible. Later, when actually incarcerated in the jail, Joseph the Prophet turned to the guards who held him captive and bore a powerful testimony of the divine authenticity of the Book of Mormon.8 Shortly thereafter pistol and ball would take the lives of these two testators.

As one of a thousand elements of my own testimony of the divinity of the Book of Mormon, I submit this as yet one more evidence of its truthfulness. In this their greatest—and last—hour of need, I ask you: would these men blaspheme before God by continuing to fix their lives, their honor, and their own search for eternal salvation on a book (and by implication a church and a ministry) they had fictitiously created out of whole cloth?

Never mind that their wives are about to be widows and their children fatherless. Never mind that their little band of followers will yet be “houseless, friendless and homeless” and that their children will leave footprints of blood across frozen rivers and an untamed prairie floor.9 Never mind that legions will die and other legions live declaring in the four quarters of this earth that they know the Book of Mormon and the Church which espouses it to be true. Disregard all of that, and tell me whether in this hour of death these two men would enter the presence of their Eternal Judge quoting from and finding solace in a book which, if not the very word of God, would brand them as impostors and charlatans until the end of time? They would not do that! They were willing to die rather than deny the divine origin and the eternal truthfulness of the Book of Mormon.

-Jeffery R. Holland "Safety for the Soul" October 2009

I think that it's safe to say that anyone who was willing to die for something wouldn't die for something that they made up for any sort of gain.

The Book of Mormon has undergone some extreme criticism which in all seriousness does not make any sense to me. Anyone, who's really wanted to know the truth of this book, just needs to read it (not under the influence of any drugs or stimulates may I throw in there). This is what separates those who are truly interested and those who are just curious or trying to find some way to prove it false. So what if somethings don't match up in the Book of Mormon? There are plenty of things in the Bible that don't make sense but you don't see the Lutheran or Protestant churches as a whole disclaiming the validity of that sacred text. In John we read that "other sheep I have which are not of this fold, them must I also bring and they shall hear my voice; and there shall be one fold, and one shepherd (John 10:16)." Wouldn't it also make sense that these other folds also have their own set of scriptures? It would be unfair and unjust for a loving God to only talk to one set of people and yet not others, thus condemning them since they would not have a written copy of what was spoken to them by God himself. Any of those who really want to know if the Book of Mormon is real, read it and follow the challenge found at the end of the book.

As a side note, not totally related to the church at all, all of those who are against the church, please stop relating Warren Jeffs and all of those involved with the polygamist sect to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. He and his followers are members of the Reformed Latter Day Saints, a broken off sect of the church. The RLDS and FLDS are NOT members of the LDS church.

To wrap this post up, I just want to end on this note. If you wanted to know what a Buddist believed, you wouldn't ask a Catholic, would you? If you wanted to know what a Muslim believed, you wouldn't ask a Hindu, would you? If you wanted to know what a "Mormon" believed, you would ask a good standing member of the church, wouldn't you? Ask someone who really follows and believes what the church teaches, not a "Jack Mormon" or a member who has been excommunicated. In sum, go to the source for the truth, instead of relying on the biased opinion of an ignorant Baptist pastor in Texas who has a bone to pick with my church.

"And we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophecy of Christ, and we write according to our prophecies, that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission for their sins (2nd Nephi 25:24)." If this isn't a Christian statement... then I have no idea what would be considered on!

Again, my intention of this post was not to convert the world nor delve into deep doctrinal discussions about the church. It was just to clear up some misconceptions the the media has seemed to focus on about the church I belong to. If any reader has any further questions about the Latter Day Saint church, just visit mormon.org to read about our beliefs further and you can even talk to representatives to clear up any questions.

I am a daughter of two loving parents, sister to an outgoing brother, friend to many in all different walks of life, an aspiring culinarian, a dog lover, and a mentee to an amazing mentor. My name is Marlee Martin and I... am a Mormon.


Sunday, October 9, 2011

Less Than is Always Better Than...

So today marks the "less than" 2 months phase I'm in right now. I'm at crossroads with my feelings and emotions at this point. It must be quite normal I imagine in the waiting scheme... I'm hoping so. Maybe it's just my stoic tendancy when I become sick... I have no idea.
In less than 2 months, I'll be getting my boyfriend back.
What if what if what if what if what if what if.... you get the picture. I'm a duck on the water, the surface or what you see is calm and serene, inside is like the ducks feet under water... going 100mph to upkeep that look of serenity.
It's extremely frustrating. I have done my best to do what I felt was the plan for me in this waiting game. What if I did this all wrong? What if I was supposed to date? What if I was supposed to go to the singles ward? What if all of these doubts really should've been addressed instead of being pushed aside until he comes home? I have felt like I did everything that I felt I needed to do but forever is such a long time to deal with the decisions you make now... and I want to make the right ones more than I want to be with a certain someone forever... and he knows that. He recognizes and praises my need to follow the plan intended for me rather than going on with what it is that I want to do.
I'm all a mess... as a good friend of mine would say "a hot mess." At least I'm hot I guess... even as I'm sitting and typing all of this stuff out... these what if's don't make any sense to me. You know this isn't right, these thoughts aren't right always come whenever I say them or write them down... so what can't I remember that when they come?! I'm just all over the place. I promise I'm excited to have him home. I'm excited to see his handsome face. I'm excited to be in his comforting arms and to hear that sweet voice of his saying my name and "I love you" into my ear. I miss him. Everything I am misses him. I have never felt so happy than I was when I was with him, I miss that happiness. I have tried to be completely happy while he's been gone but even though I've tried and done the things that I've always wanted to do, I still feel like something is missing. I have felt incomplete for the past 22 months. I just hope that the feeling of completeness comes back. I just hope that the thoughts are nothing to worry about.
I just hope.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Self Discovery

As I was working by myself this morning for the first hour and a half today, I made a discovery about myself... I am a very routine based invidiual. The outcome of my day depends on them. If my routine is disturbed somehow... my whole day is out of whack. Doesn't mean that I don't adapt to change very well, I do... it just takes some getting used to is all. A roommate of mine had pointed this attribute out to me over a year ago and commented on my morning routine. It is so true though... if she hit snooze one time too many... it threw off my entire morning routine and I would be in a funk for the rest of the day. Pathetic isn't it, to let other people's decisions and actions determine how my day goes. But we all do it whether we realize it or not.
Tonight I was wasting time on Facebook and I just realized that shortly here, I'll have to form and get used to a whole new routine. I've gotten my current one down for now, all I do is work so it isn't too hard (I mean come one... I was juggling 5 things at one point for a good while) but I've been feeling quite stir crazy lately. I have too much time; before all I wanted was some time... just to be able to sit and breathe. Now I have time to sit.... and think... and not know what to do with myself. Soon though, I'll have a new routine, a new thing to adjust to and that, my good people, makes me super excited! I get to have my happiness back! About 2 years ago, I had dreaded the thought of spending 2 years all by my lonesome, without my other half; I'll be quite honest though, you do get into a comfortable routine when your love is far far away for a very long time. It took me about 6 months to be ok with him being gone and finally get into thte swing of things of my life without him. I've never been content though. I always knew something was missing, I wasn't as happy as I am when he's with me. Yet with him being gone, I've had to adjust to a new life and to new things to occupy my time. As the end is drawing closer to his mission, I can't help but think about all the things that will change when he comes home. I am excited for those changes! I can't wait for my boyfriend to be back home and in my arms again! I love him and miss him mucho! Tomorrow is letter day and I'm suuuuuper excited for my letter!!! I'll definitely adapt to this change a lot better than being thrown off my normal groove.

Monday, October 3, 2011

My Competition Adventure

Alright, I'm done waiting for pictures to come and quite frankly... I'll just add them whenever they come. I do have quite a bit anyway of the competition and the trip as a whole and I know that you faithful readers are waiting to hear about all of what happened so far far away in Innsbruck, Austria about a month ago. Enjoy the story time!
First, let me tell you about the logisitcs of the competition. The Big Cooking Contest is a cooking competition unlike any other in the world. A team of two is given a mystery basket, a basket containing random ingredients which the team must include in a dish. They are allowed to use a pantry to supplement anything that they might need. They are given a total of 40 mintues to look over the basket, plan their dish, write a menu, and execute the dish. Once the team has written out the menu, they are allowed to start cooking. Got it? Good! It's exciting let me tell you! Now a little background on the Red Team: the red team for AIPX was made up of myself and a boy named Jeremy Stephens. I had no previous cooking competition experience whatsoever but I had about 6 years of working industry experience under me to help get me through. Jeremy had a bit more competition experience than I and had been working at a restaurant for about a year and a half. Last year, Jeremy was chosen to go to this exact same competition with a different partner (I didn't exist on the eligibility radar just yet) and had taken 2nd place, beating out the German and Austrian teams. Was I intimidated when I found this out???? Oh I wanted to puke when I did... this all comes into play I promise!
We left for our trip on an early September morning, I had been up a whole day before and since I worked for 10 hours before our flight, I figured why not continue to stay up. I did take a few naps throughout the 3 flights but never truly got any restful sleep. I had ended up being awake for about 36 hours... longest day of my life! Once we landed in Innsbruck, I was in total dismay that it was only 10 in the morning on Sunday. I just wanted to go to our rooms and go to sleep. However... we all needed to adjust to the time change and had to stay up for as long as possible. We spent all of Sunday exploring the city of Innsbruck, going around the town square, looking through the markets, getting adjusted to our rooms for the week and just spending time together as a team! Later that night, the black team and I spent about an hour and a half going through mental rounds (rounds where we were given random ingredients and we have to mentally concieve a dish with said ingredients and write it down) and we all got our mental planning down to 2 minutes which is fast! My partner had been asleep during the mental rounds which began to worry me about his commitment to the competition and if I was going to have to go about this on my own. Finally... the longest day of my life was over and I finally went to bed at 9.
Monday morning we woke up early to find the convention center and see the competition ahead of us. After some stalling with the car and driving around the block looking for a parking space, we finally entered into the convention center and found the kitchens that could potentially change the course of our future. The moment we walked in, all eyes were on Jeremy. The judges and coaches remembered him but wondered who was the new girl with him. As we walked closer to the kitchens, it was surreal to look at the arena I hade been preparing for intensely for my entire cooking career whether I had realized it or not. There were two identical kitchens separated by a wall and bleachers facing towards them so that an audience could sit and witness the magic that could ensue. I immediately sat down and began to watch the rounds taking place, I took notes on what was inside the baskets and getting my mind into the competition: what would I do with those ingredients? I'd turn to Jeremy and consult with him, bouncing back and forth culinary ideas and trying meld them together. I could tell that something was different with him though, I felt that he wasn't all there and I began to worry even more. I needed him fully there and I just didn't know what was going on with him; I had expressed my concerns to chef and she reassured me that he was fine and he was fully there... still I was worried. She told me that we needed to talk later in the day, just Jeremy and I, to get our anxities out and focus on what we came to do. We had spent a good few hours at the center watching and finally left to continue to explore the city and look more closely at the markets we had there. The produce was incredible! The foods were pure and unadulterated! Truly it was culinary heaven and I was blessed enough to see it! I enjoyed every minute being in those markets and seeing the dishes at estaurants, these people know how to treat their food. It isn't just a mass produced commodity, they take care into their foods, their menus, their dishes. It was truly incredible to see.
We went back to our rooms after the markets and I finally found a computer with wifi access (hallelujah!!!) and was able to get on Facebook to let everyone know who wanted to keep tabs with us on how to do so. Jeremy and I messaged each other for a bit and I told him that I wanted to win so bad. He told me to just talk to him, to shoot down his stupid ideas and tell him what I was thinking. I suggested individual rounds for just us and he said "see! great idea!" So we did, we had a couple rounds just the two of us to try and get on that level we needed to be. Then it was time for dinner. Later that night, both AIPX teams met up with the Charleston teams for dinner at an alright German restaurant (I'm not a big fan of German food to be honest...) and everything seemed to be going pretty well until about halfway through dinner. It seemed like the Charleston team was super interested in my partner and was asking him all kinds of questions and he was talking freely. As I was sitting next to him in silence, I was freaking out mentally about what I was hearing as far as the Q&A was going. Even though we were all Americans, I wanted no team to be given an upper hand against Jeremy and I. I tried to control my emotions but clearly was not doing a good job since he knew something was up. After dinner, we came back to our rooms and I hear a loud knock on my door. My coach all but grabbed me by my collar and took me to her room where Jeremy was. She said "I have given you two plenty of opportunities to talk to each other and break the ice. Looks like I'm going to have to do it for you."
We sat across the room from each other in silence until the coach said "Alright Marlee, what's wrong?" Way to be called out. So I told him about the night and how I was frustrated how he talked so freely to the other team about what he had done last year and that I did not want any other team to have an advantage. He apologized for that and had explained that it was more of a psych our tactic because they had no idea what they were headed for in the competition. He said that if he just started to spew off again, to just elbow him really hard. Then my coach said "I don't want you to worry about him, he is fully here. I've talked to him and he has a lot of pressure riding on this competition... I need you to trust me when I say that he's ok. Because you don't trust him do you?" I nodded slightly. Then we delved into the deep part of the talk where I was informed of the exact seriousness of the pressure my partner was facing on doing well in this competition; how highly my partner regarded me and how intimidated he had been of me "When the judges saw that I had come back, they asked me if I had brought back the same partner and I said 'no... she's better."; what he thought of when he first saw me taking notes during the first ever meeting about there even being an Austrian team "I sat in the back to scope out who all was there. I was only supposed to be the one to give information, I wasn't supposed to go. I looked around the room to see who I would want to be paired up with if I could go. I saw you taking notes from behind and thought 'I want this girl! She is smart and she is serious about this!"; what he thought when he found out that we were partners; why he wanted to cook; how he started out; what this meant to him. That night, his burden became mine. When people at school found out that Jeremy and I made up the Red Team, they said "you guys are going to take it, you are going to get him to the end!" but that wasn't even the extent of it, my partner had so many personal reasons to do well in the competition. At the end, I felt an immense responsibility to do well to get him to first place. I was the one with the experience, I needed to do all I could. There were some tears involved and finally, finally I felt as if we were a team! We had struggled for 3 months with our communication but never getting to where we needed to be to be the best we could possibly be. We finally understood each other and we were finally ready to do what we needed to do the next day.
Tuesday morning I got out of bed because, let's be honest, I was a total wreck and couldn't sleep. I said a prayer to help calm mine and Jeremy's nerves so that we could do the best we could that day and went off to get ready. I was dressed and had my face on and knocked on the boy's door, the black team boy opened the door and Jeremy saw me and immediately walked out of the door to go to breakfast with me. We didn't eat, we just sat at the table and tried to calm each other down. We tried to joke but never truly laughed. We left to go to the convention center and my heart was in my throat beating so hard. We got to the stands and sat next to each other and quietly watched the rounds before us.

We had to wait 3 hours before our round was up. Neither of us could sit still so we walked around the center a couple of times, got some soda and talked to keep our minds off of the round ahead of us. We came back, sat down again, and got back up to walk around again. Finally, with about 15 minutes we were supposed to go, we put on our aprons and hats and got ready for our turn. Chef talked to us for a few minutes, gave us a hug and took a few pictures. Then it was time.
I spent the first 10 minutes in the kitchen smelling every. single. spice. and tasting and discovering what each container held (everything was in freakin German!). I had become comfortable with everything, memorized the placements of the pots, pans, untensils and then looked at Jeremy, we were ready to take on this mystery basket!
The basket was placed in front of us and we were told to open it, our time started now! We were given two whole trouts, a steak of salmon, a tomato, and a bizarre green that had a citrus but wasabi-like spice to it.

We decided to do a Trout Papillote, tabouleh salad with wilted greens and roasted peppers, vermouth cream sauce, crispy leeks, and a sashimi-style salmon ceviche. We wrote and turned in our menu in 3 mintues... that meant we had 37 minutes to execute and plate our dish! We were off and did not stop until it was all over. Jeremy began breaking down the fish and I began everything else; he asked for something... bam! done! Component after component was knocked out. We were flying around that kitchen, I had so much adrenaline in my system that I had moved faster than I had ever done before. I could see out of my eye that Jeremy's hands were shaking while fab-ing out the fish and I had to keep talking to him, keep him calmed and focused. I had my bulgur sitting in water, working (or so I thought) for my tabouleh salad. I looked up to see the time on the clock and there was this Great Wall of China of people surrounding our kitchen. All eyes were on Team 8. I freaked out by how many people were there and how crowded we were but I kept pushing through. We had 5 minutes left and I discovered that my bulgur was still crunchy... not how it's supposed to be. I had no time to fix it, Jeremy tasted it and said to just go with it. We plated oour four plates and time was up. I looked at Jeremy with the expression of "did that just happen?!" He looked at me and began to clean. We cleaned our kitchen while our food was taken away to the presentation table and back to the judges to be tasted. I realized to my horror that I had prepared my bulgur incorrectly and began to feel sick thinking that I had costed us our chance at the competition. On the drive back to our rooms, I couldn't even think straight and ran the round over and over in my head. We'd find out if we made it the next day and I prayed that we had done enough.
The next day, the Black Team competed and I was nervous for them as well. They had a rough round and didn't have too good of results. Both teams were on edge and nervous as to our standings. We found out that we needed to come back around 5 that afternoon to see which teams had made it, so we killed time at the zoo before we had to go. We were back right at 5 and had to wait for another 45 minutes before the results were announced. I was the biggest stress case and so was Jeremy, we could not stand still one second. Finally the judges came up, speaking in German about how well everyone did and we shoul all be proud etc... they eventually got to where they were going to announce who moved on and who did not. If a team did not advance to the next round, they were given a certificate of participation and a goodie bag. If a team did make it to the next round, they were given a hand shake. I was all confused about it; after 4 teams were called up and their fate decided, Jeremy and my names were called. We went up to the stand and my hand was shaken. I thought "are you serious?!" All too soon were Jeremy and I given folders and goodie bags and told "see you next year!" I was stunned and had no idea what just happened. We came back to the group and asked the translator what was going on, she had no clue. Finally, as time went on... the Black Team was not passed through, neither were the Charleston teams. No Americans were passed on to the next round, I fought so hard to fight back my tears and be a good sport. I had let my partner down, I let my coach down, I let the school down, I let myself down... this wasn't supposed to happen. I turned to Jeremy and said "I'm so sorry." He grabbed me in for a hug and said "don't be stupid ok! You have nothing to be sorry about."
That was it. It was all over. No more competing. No more rounds for any of us the following day. We went back to our rooms and I grabbed Jeremy and said let's go for a walk. We walked around the property and talked about what had just happened and thinking of what could've been so wrong about our dish that we didn't make it through. Finally Jeremy clued me in and said "It was all political. Do you remember what the other teams did for their plates? We were the only ones given 2 proteins, we were on time, showed technique, worked clean, were sanitary. They pick who they want to win. They weren't going to get a Cinderella ending if they let us through. We did all we could but they didn't want us to pass through from the beginning. The other American coach cried when we didn't get passed through." "Why?" "Because a judge had pulled him aside and told him that you and I were making it to the next round." "We were?!" "I knew for a while, same thing happened to me. But something changed from when I was told to now. They had two lists didn't you see? They didn't read our names out of the folder like the others... but yet, we still weren't passed through." That's when it hit me... It didn't matter how much skill we showed, how much knowledge we let manifest on the plate or how many manipulations we could do with the proteins given to us. It didn't matter if we were on time, worked clean, or wore gloves and used hem correctly. We were never going to pass through. Someone had been rooting for us, but then again, someone was very upset that an American team got 2nd last year.
So that was it. The next morning, while others were sweating it in the kitchen, we went out of town and enjoyed our days off. We went to Imst and rode and Alpine coaster, toured a Brewery and had a ton of fun. Then Friday, we went to Italy. Yeah. That's right! Italy!! More specifically... Venice!!!! I'm not even lying! We had real Italian food and had many adventures. I stepped off of the plane, a new person. I became a stronger cook, gained more confidence, had a stronger sense of what to do with my life, and grew. Even though we didn't go on to do what we know we could've easily done, I would not change a single thing. It wasn't my time to win and shine. I had grown more during the process of becoming a competitor than I could've gained had I won. I learned that I was much better than I gave myself credit for and that I needed to trust in my ideas because my partner and coach did. I learned about 5 of the most misunderstood people of that school (myself included) in that one week in Austria than if I had never gone to that meeting in the first place. During our deep talk on that Monday night, chef had told Jeremy and I that she would've never trusted him with anyone else for a partner, that we had been brought together for a reason... two cooks with the same style and outlook on food and the same passion, we work great together and to never let that go. There is a reason why I was able to go to Austria despite the possible financial hardships that could've prevented the teams from even going, and there is a reason why Jeremy and I were put together out of the 25 other students chef could've paired me with. That trip and that competition has changed my life forever and I'm so grateful for the opportunity I had to go over there and experience a bit of Europe with the people I did! I couldn't imagine a better group to go with and laugh (and snort with) for an entire week, and I couldn't imagine a better partner to make amazing food with for the past 3 months. Partners for life Jeremy... partners for life!