The Walk

Over a year and a half ago, I was banging my head against quite a tough and immovable wall, trying to figure out how I was going to afford to graduate with my Bachelor's degree. I wasn't happy with my major, I honestly could care less about thread counts or how the front of the house worked as far as hotels were concerned. All I cared about and had a passion for was food. I've been cooking since I was 14 and have been working since I was 16. Each year, getting better and better. I had always wanted to go to culinary school, to learn the ropes and become a better cook. But I was always so scared to go.

I knew that school would be expensive and I wanted to go to the best school for me as possible. It was a huge decision for me to go to culinary school and I didn't take my options very lightly. It all started with a conversation over phone that I was having with my mom one night about finances and my degree that I was currently working on. In the middle of the conversation, my lovely mother asked "why are you spending so much money on a degree that you're not happy with? why don't you just go to culinary school?? you've always wanted to!" I thought that going was a lot harder than it really was. I finally decided to stop making excuses and I requested info from some of the schools I knew. One of them was the Art Institute of Phoenix. It just felt like a perfect match from the beginning, everything fell into place and I knew this is where I was meant to be. My first class ever was my Basics and Fundamentals class taught by Chef Kline; I didn't know then but this man changed my life for the better in the year I was at AI. He pushed me hard through every class I had with him and he honestly cared about all aspects of my life, not just my academic life. One of the first things he said to my class in our first week was "if you are not completely exhausted by the time you leave my class, you haven't worked hard enough." Let's just say that I definitely needed a nap after each class period with Chef Kline. He worked me. He also recognized that I felt most comfortable in a kitchen and saw that from day one. We clicked, he was my go to chef whenever I needed anything!

In all of the time I was at AI, I never felt like I was going to school. Sure I had some lecture classes but all in all, I cooked for an entire year and learned soooo much. I am definitely not the same cook I was when I first started. I feel as if I have a more focused and refined look at what it is that I want to do. There have been so many ups and downs, obstacles, triumphs and defeats along the way but it's made me into the person that I am today. Into the cook and future chef I will become. There was a time where I felt like giving up, if this really was what was right for me but I can say to you now without a doubt in my mind and with my head held high that cooking is what I want to do for the rest of my life. In whatever outlet or opportunity life hands to me! Because of my decision to go to school, I have met chefs and students that I would otherwise probably have never met and get to know like I have while I was at school. I was able to go to Austria for a cooking competition and have one of the most amazing weeks of my life doing what I love to do! I have been so richly blessed and I'm so thankful each day that I was able to do this and get on to a path that will make me happy for as long as I allow it!

Tonight was definitely a bittersweet night for me; as I sat with the audience, a wave of memories hit me of my times at school and the things I've done. Graduation, to me, seemed to be the last seal on this part of my journey and to be honest, I'm quite scared for it to be over. My life has drastically changed the moment I landed back in Sky Harbor 5 days ago. But this change is for th better and quite necessary. I have new things to do experience and different avenues to explore. This was the beginning after all, quite a beautiful and amazing one at that. I was fortunate enough to have my wonderful mother, a great best friend, my boyfriends parents, a loving sous chef, and inspiring chef all there to witness me walk across that stage to fulfill my dream of becoming a chef! It's still frightening to know that it's all done now and I have to grow up but at the same time, I'm excited to see what life has in store for me!

Before I wrap this up for tonight, I just need to brag a little about a special person that has helped me through this journey. My mentor and guide, Payton Curry, has helped me so much from the day I first asked him to help me with a class assignment. From there he just took me under his wing and has guided me on this wonderful journey. He's coached me a long, listened to my rantings, had discussions with me on the possibilites of a pancake bread pudding at 2:30 in the morning, encouraged me when I felt like I couldn't go any longer, and pushed me to apply for the team. He's the reason my passion for food is so alive and strong as it is today. Without him, I'd just be another cranky, foul mouthed line cook stuck in a rut. But because of him and his willingness to listen to me and understand me, I have incredible confidence in myself, my food, and my future! Thank you Chef for creating me into your Ninja, now it's time for a slumber party to bang out some amazing dishes!

Thank you everyone for your love and support! On to the next walk in my life, turning the page to the next chapter! It's going to be one crazy and wonderful ride!

The Beginning of An End

This week has been quite a bittersweet one for me... and it really hasn't fully on hit me yet as this being the end. The end of school and this competition. Tomorrow is my last actual day of classes, one week earlier than all of the others that are graduating. Looking back at the past 9 weeks, I can't believe that I actually did this! I made it through the most grueling months of my culinary school career. And I'm still breathing! I have officially lived to tell my story!! It can be done! Tuesday was my last ever cooking class at my school and it is so weird to think that I won't ever cook in those kitchens again (at least I think I won't). It was all just so surreal.

Looking back at the last year, I never thought I would be where I am today. I didn't think I would have had these opportunities or experiences that I have had since I've been in school. I'm so incredibly glad that I chose to go to culinary school to finally do what I absolutely love to do! It definitely hasn't been easy, at all. There were times where I honestly just wanted to give up because I didn't know if I made the right decision, if I was good enough. Now, in hindsight, I can see where everything fell into place perfectly in order for me to be able to go! It has all been such a huge blessing! I've learned so much and I've grown a ton while in school. I am so thankful for my chefs who have taught me over the past year and have put up with my moods and stupid ideas from time to time. I will always treasure my chefs' instructions, critiques, and advice. There is one in particular that I have especially connected with and will always be grateful for the mentor that he has been for me the entire time I have been there, whether I had been taking a class of his that quarter or not.

But with this beginning now coming to an end, it's time for another glorious chapter to start in my life and I couldn't be more excited! I have absolutely no idea what to expect from here on out! The world is in my hands, as my coach said to the team this morning. We have such a bright future ahead of us, we name our price! I am absolutely stoked about Austria! But I'm also sick to my stomach with anxiety and nerves. I don't want to let anyone down, I don't want to let myself down, I just want to do the best I can with no regrets or looking back and thinking "man, we could've done this instead of that!" I'm very blessed to have the partner that I do, one that has been in that exact same competition and can tell me what to expect. We're going to do well! I just can't choke once it's show time... cross our fingers I don't.

{both teams!!!}

Down to the Wire

So I got a bit of traumatic news on Thursday in my latest letter from my Honey. Background story on our communication over the past 21 months: before TJ left on his mission, we talked about if I was going to wait and how we wanted letters to be done. The trend is usually to write once a week. I always told him that I would write him if he wrote me back {he has proven to be such a faithful letter writer! I love it!}. One night while laying in my bed talking to my mom on the phone, I had mentioned how I was going to miss talking to TJ everyday and it was going to be hard for me to write just once a week when we honestly talked all day, every day. I'm not even exaggerating. Then my mom, in her sage wisdom, told me about her letter writing experience while my dad was in the navy. She wrote him everyday and sent the letter off once a week, so he always had a nice big letter to get him through until her next one. She suggested that and I was baffled by "how could I possibly find that much to say... everyday... everyweek... for 2 years?!" I ran that idea by TJ that same night and he said that he LOVED the idea.

I've written him every single day since December 2, 2009. That was until yesterday. Here's the thing. My letters have never been distracting for him and they haven't inhibited me at all in going off and living my life whatsoever, I just tell him everything that goes on with me because he wants to know. In this latest letter though, at a conference that he went to, all of the missionaries were counseled to not handle mail on any other day except p-day. Sooo that means... shorter letters. For both of us.... Not exactly the hugest fan of this right now. Which means that I have to figure out how to do letters for him for the next 3 months. Whether to stick with what I was doing or go with the conventional, once a week letter. However, as I've taken the time to examine this and try to see the blessings of this new restriction, I've come to realize that by having shorter letters... we're really putting in what matters most. What really needs to be said. The kinds of experiences that need to be shared with one another to keep us uplifted and progressing spiritually. We can still say cute things but with the amount that he can read in a short period of time before he can reply to me, I need to put in the important things first. In Primary today, we learned about missionaries and writing them. It's as if someone knew I needed this lesson to figure out what I want to do. The kids colored pictures and asked questions and had a blast. That's when it hit me: we both need to get back to the basics. We need to make our letters about the heart of it all, the sole reason why he's out on his mission and why I'm supporting a missionary. These next 3 months will be so amazing in that we'll both be so focused on just finishing up with a strong ending. This past Friday, he had to sign a "contract" saying that he will do everything he can to finish stronger than he started. This past Thursday, I had it layed out to me just exactly what that meant for him to finish stronger than he started. The first 6 months of his mission was an intense period of spiritual growth for me and it's looking like the last 3 will be the same as well. I am so grateful to have an amazingly obedient missionary, he has been such an amazing example to me of obedience and faith. I have come to believe, over the past 21 months, that he is the only missionary I could've ever waited for. I am so grateful for his example, his love, his dedication, and his spirit. I know exactly what kind of man is coming home to me in just over 3 months. And he is, my wonderful readers, exactly the kind of man I want to be with forever {and ever}

It's Heating Up!

And I don't mean myself in my two new jackets ;) haha!

my red jacket for parusing

my whites for competing

In exactly one week, my team and I will be on our merry way to Innsbruck Austria to compete in one of the toughests competitions in the world! Are we insane?? Oh... you have no idea! The past 8 weeks of intense training and mind exploding run throughs... it's been crazy.

this is just a preview of the competition

But I would not have traded any of this and I would do this all over again because this preparation for the competition has reall opened up my eyes as to what I am capable of. What my partner and I can do. That my creative tendencies get me so far and that my experience in the industry has given me an edge that will help my team go far. My partner and I can now smash out a menu with 4 random ingredients in less than 4 minutes. We know each others movements and we know each others speed. We push each other and constantly help one another if we get in the weeds. We've been able to pull of incredible stuff within 30 minutes and each practice we get better and better.

This time next week, I'll be on my flight to Chicago, having an awesome Italian roast beef sandwich for my mentor, then off to Frankfurt! And finally land in Innsbruck. My life will never be the same when I leave Phoenix. Lots of sweat, possible blood, and some tears will be shed on the Innsbruck ground as this student team works for the gold! I'm sooo excited and I can't wait to rub shoulders with some of the greatest young chefs in the world (and kick their trash taking that medal! haha!). Wish me luck all! I'm gonna need it!

p.s. sorry for the kitchen lingo... what can I say, I'm a cook ;)

My Life in a Song

This perfectly describes my feelings right now:

How long have I been in this storm

So overwhelmed by the oceans shapeless form

Waters getting harder to tread

With these waves crashing over my head

If I could just see you

Everything would be alright

If I had to see you

This darkness would turn to light

And I would walk on water

And you would catch me if I fall

And I would get lost in your eyes

And everything would be alright

And everything would be alright

I know you didn't bring me out here to drown

So why am I ten feet under and upside down

Barely surviving has become my purpose

Because I'm so used to living underneath the surface

If I could just see you

Everything would be alright

If I had to see you

This darkness would turn to light

And I would walk on water

And you would catch me if I fall

And I would get lost into your eyes

And everything would be alright

And everything would be alright

And I would walk on water

And you would catch me if I fall

And I would get lost into your eyes

And know everything is alright

And now everything is alright

Everything is alright

Thank you again once more Lifehouse. Thank you.