#MyWorthChallenge

 *this post originally published on www.ijustmakesandwiches.com, my food blog on March 12, 2016*

I will preface this post by saying that this is a bit unconventional, especially for a food blog, but I felt like this was something that I ought to share and get involved with. I know that I’ve talked a bit about myself in my About Me page but let me reach out to you guys in what I feel a is super relate-able way for all of us.

Now we have all felt self-doubt at some point in our lives, actually many times in our lives I guess if we’re being real here, but we all somehow manage to move past it and get on with our lives. Sometimes we let that self-doubt hang around a lot longer than we ought to which prevents us to really go after our goals and try seemingly scary things. But if you think about it, those scary things could be really what helps us grow and become more of the people we ought to be. I know I’ve had those crippling doubts creep into my mind many, many times but thankfully I had many wonderful and supportive people push me forward and encourage me to move on with my goals and to go for something that was terrifying at first. Some of these include: moving to Utah for college, dating my husband (that is a juicy story!), moving to Flagstaff for college, dropping out of college to go to culinary school, going on the competition team to Innsbruck, marrying my husband (that’s another good story! Any story with him is great actually!), starting this blog, becoming a mama… the list goes on and on.

I was terrified to go to culinary school because it was so not a part of my life plan but I was so unhappy with where I was scholastically and it really felt like the right direction for my life… I am so grateful for my parents who encouraged me to follow my passions and go for it! I was terrified to go to Austria, I was terrified of letting my partner, team, coach, and school down if we didn’t place but that week away from work and school really helped me to re-center myself and really figure out what I wanted to experience in my cooking career!

I was terrified to get married, y'all can relate to me on this… marriage is scary, commitment is super scary BUT I had known throughout our whole relationship that this is where we were headed. After some long talks with each other and some prayer, I went forward with my decision and have never looked back! I have never been happier as when he is by my side. This man is the bestest, best friend I have ever had and am grateful for his support and unfailing companionship; he truly makes me feel like I can do anything.

Deciding to become a mom, also, was a super terrifying decision; again I’m sure I’m getting an “oh yeah” from some of you. Of course, I have no idea what I am doing, no amount of reading will ever prepare me for my own kid! Yes, I have had experiences with kids throughout my life but still… it’s so different! Yet I think back on my life and see the example that my mom has shown me in raising me and when I think about her, I can’t help but feeling that I might just be ok at being a mom… If I can be half of the mom my mom has been, I think our kids might stand a chance in life. My mom is amazing! I also have an amazing mother-in-law who did an amazing job in raising her kids and I am always in awe of her parenting and am so observant of everything she does because she is such a wonderful mom.

This brings me to my blog decision… This is has been such a nerve-wracking venture to start on. It took me about 2 months of thought-stewing, researching, brainstorming, and web building to finally decide that this is what I ought to do. I am always fighting doubting thoughts that could keep me from going forward with this. Am I really that interesting to read? Do I really have good ideas to share? Will I actually get a following from this? I didn’t major in English in college, I just make sandwiches, what am I doing with a food blog?! I’m going to give you guys a little insight into this: I am so scared that this blog won’t be successful, that people won’t find me interesting and that I won’t be able to see this thought turn into a thriving reality. This could be very crippling to me if I let it.

Thankfully, I was approached (along with some other bloggers) by a fellow blogger to get behind, what I think is an incredibly empowering movement and I am so happy to help do what I can to push this movement forward. This movement is #myworthchallenge and here is what we do: every time we have self-deprecating thoughts, we think of 5 things that are awesome about ourselves and move on with our life, pushing aside our doubts! So using my mom and blog doubts:

Becoming a mom

1. I have an awesome mom and mother-in-law there for me for support and I have their examples to live by
2. Kids love me (true story)!
3. I have had lots of practice being patient in many situations
4. I am already developing a deep love for someone I haven’t met before, so that’s encouraging
5. I adapt to new situations in my own time and will eventually get the hang of this mom thing

 

This blog adventure:

1. I can be funny at times
2. I know what I am talking about as far as food goes
3. I make freakin awesome food!
4. I have had many amazing mentors who have helped me steer into this direction so there has to be a reason why I felt like this was the next stop in my food journey
5. I have a wonderful husband who pushed me along and helped me see how interesting I was and how I really could make this successful by being me

Now you may be wondering what this all has to do with food and your culinary journey (no I’m not just bearing my soul because I was out of post ideas). I will guarantee you that you will have some doubts about a dish you’re trying out, a new restaurant you are venturing to try, you may be doubting your ability to rock it in the kitchen and I need to stop you right there. YOU are awesome! YOU can try new things; whether it be a new dish, restaurant, or even a new life adventure. YOU are meant to do new and scary things because that is how we grow and become better. YOU are worth more than having doubts living in your mind and dictating your life decisions. Next time you have doubts creep into your mind about anything going on in your life, remember to think of 5 awesome things about yourself and then move on. If you’d like to, post a picture of yourself on social media with the hashtag #myworthchallenge, and let’s see this empowering movement move forward! We need to surround ourselves with those who will build us up when we need it. Also, visit Aleigh Moore’s blog to read and gain inspiration from her and her journey with this movement (she is the one who is starting all of this). Remember, YOU are awesome, YOU CAN cook, and it’s just food! Food is fun and can be relaxing. Embrace it and rock it! 

To Infinity and Beyond

*this post originally published on www.ijustmakesandwiches.com, my food blog on April 10, 2016* 

Pardon this somewhat random post, I guess I must be feeling nostalgic today and unsure of what my schedule is going to be looking like for the next few weeks. I guess I felt like this post ought to come from the heart as I’m going to be undergoing some major changes here within in the next 24 hours (literally) or so. It is really crazy to think that within the next day or two, I will be a fill fledge mom… Something I haven’t quite wrapped my head around yet and I’m sure it’s going to take a long time to not spin my head around looking for my own mom when I am addressed by that same title. It’s amazing how drastically our lives can change in a matter of a minute. One minute I will be Marlee and the next… I will forever be somebody’s mom. It’s a concept I haven’t grasped yet.

Though I don’t want to primarily speak on my inadequacies of becoming a mom or my inability to see myself as a mom. I want to focus on my journey that started 11 years ago until this point. There has been so much growth in that time and I am so thankful for the things I have learned and the experiences that have helped mold me into who I am today. I don’t want you all to think I’m going to drone on about every single job I had; too many mixed emotions with each place I guess.

When I think back when I was in high school, I would never have guessed that I’d be where I am today. I wanted to own my own dinner theater; I was a bit of a theatre nerd back then but never did I think I would really go to culinary school. Many people don’t know this about me but I originally went to college to study theatre with an acting emphasis, I only worked in the food business because it’s what I knew and it was an easy job to get… plus I had a hard time seeing myself work behind a desk. I needed mental and physical stimulation to be engaged in my job. Through a rude awakening, I decided I ought to study in the hospitality industry because that seemed like more stable work and I already had some experience under my belt as far as restaurants were concerned. But then I wasn’t happy with that either… once I had to take a class on Housekeeping ya’ll and I literally had to learn about the differences in thread counts as pertaining to sheets. That’s when I knew that this wasn’t quite the right fit.

And then, I don’t know, it just dawned on me I guess that I needed to go to culinary school because I was awesome at cooking and I loved working in the kitchens of restaurants (I’m kind of socially standoffish anyway so I had more interaction with parsley than actual people and that suited me just fine). Culinary school was such a blast! I won’t get into the financial aspect of things (mixed emotions remember) but it really was a great time! I met some chefs that really helped boost my confidence in my cooking and ability to be a leader and I went to Austria! On a cooking competition! Those two things, right there, made it all worthwhile.

Because I was in culinary school, doors opened to me for employment that I think would have remained shut otherwise. My first kitchen job while in culinary school was at a place called Caffe Boa; it was over in the Eastern part of Mesa and was a cute little bistro place. I was mainly a prep cook there which was fine and dandy with me while I learned how a real restaurant ran. My sous chef there was amazing. Each quarter of school, he would ask me to bring in my syllabi from my classes to see what I was learning and then each week, he would design a special that had something to do with what I was learning that week in class. He refused to acknowledge me if I ever called him Chef but this guy was talented! I loved working with him and more importantly, that he saw my education as valuable and that he could help my learning by having me engage with certain aspects of cooking each week. He truly cared about what I was learning at school and was helping me learn how to apply classroom knowledge to real-life scenarios. I loved that job and I miss it til this day still!

I also got to meet my mentor who I just adore with my whole being! This guy, also, helped open up the culinary world to me here in Phoenix. People can say that I rode coat tails or whatnot (haters gonna hate right) but this chef also took my education to heart and saw that there was a difference that could be made with me! His name is Payton Curry and is definitely not shy when it comes to the social media scene! But because he’s been such an influential Chef here in “the valley,” I’ve had the pleasure of being able to do some cool events with him. I’ve cooked multiple dinners with him, hung out with him at the farmers markets many countless Saturday mornings, picked his brain over menu ideas and career moves; it wasn’t uncommon for us to start talking at 2am because of work schedules many mornings. The past 5 years have brought us many career changing choices to make but I still value his advice and insight into what “Marlee needs to do next to reach her goal” more than most people. This guy believed in me more than I believed in myself most of the time and I am so grateful for that!

Flash forward to today, I’m now working (or was until 2 months ago) under a fantastic chef and sous chefs! At a previous job of mine, I would always hear the name Kevin Binkley (yes, as in THE Binkley’s in Cave Creek and yes, THE Kevin Binkley who has been up for numerous James Beard awards) come up and I knew he was a big deal from how people talked about him and how chefs revered his name. Never in a million years did I think I’d ever work for him (mainly because I never thought I’d be able to work up at Binkley’s) until I was given the opportunity to work at one of his casual restaurants here in Scottsdale. I knew that even though I wasn’t working directly under Kevin, the Chef of the place I was working at HAD and had the same standards that Kevin did. So I off handedly learned from Kevin, (through the grapevine as it were). As is natural in many kitchens, turn over happens and within 6 months or so, I found myself with a set of keys and code to the place… No pressure right?! This place has given me the same satisfaction with my job as did Caffe Boa did 5 years ago. I was learning new things and now, because of my experience, I was now teaching others who were just starting off on their journey. Talk about a humbling experience. This job has definitely provided its’ many challenges but it has been super fulfilling in other ways as well.

When I look to the future and what might it hold in store for me, my eyes are wide with excitement because truly, the world is my oyster. Because of my exposure to this culinary world in Phoenix, I feel so treasured to have someone I can share these exciting finds with and who gets just as excited as I do about them. My hubby, my better half, loves when I find a new place to check out or when I bring purple cauliflower home or when I replicate a dish that we enjoyed at a restaurant we love. Last summer we were blessed to go to Hawaii for a week (a much deserved vacation) and as we were sharing our experiences and pictures with family, his parents noticed that whenever we go on a vacation or on a weekend getaway, we always talk about the food, one or two activities that we did, but we remember every meal that we had while away, which is the complete opposite for them. I am so glad to have someone who loves food and the beauty of food as much as I do! He truly is the best companion for me.

Leading up to our final days as just the two of us, we’ve definitely found ways to celebrate with none other than food and I love him for that! It is so fitting for us to celebrate in that way (and I figured that I’m pregnant so why not go out in the last two weeks with a bang!). As I have reflected on this new food blog adventure and trying to figure myself out here with it, I am getting more and more excited to share my food adventures with another special person in my life and that is our little baby… Let me tell you guys, this little one is going to be the coolest kid ever! I really want to teach him about good food. I want him to be the weird kid because he loves vegetables and hates McDonalds. Probably one of the proudest days of my life will be when he doesn’t want to eat off of the kids menu at restaurants and wants to eat big people food because he’s grown up eating that anyway! I will know I have done my job right at that point. I am humbled and yet excited to know that the one that will benefit most from my culinary experience is my baby… he’s going to be my little ninja, my little sous chef and food taster… my company at the farmers markets and my number one student. How eye opening and wonderful is that!

I have been very anxious about this blog, as some of you remember me confessing in the #MyWorthChallenge, but it’s a huge unknown that I’ve undertaken and I hope that it pays off. I’d be able to stay home with our baby and teach him the way I would like and I’d be able to make sure that all of the things I hold dear and important are taught. There are many times I could have given up, many times where I could have thrown in the towel and said “this is too unknown and unfamiliar… I just won’t even bother” and then I came across this

And I knew that I need to keep pressing forward! Blogging, motherhood, continuing to cook… it’s all new, it’s all scary. But it’s going to be wonderful, according to some trusted sources. Today I spent my last day as a non-mom walking around an art and food festival in Tempe and I couldn’t think of a better way to bid the old Marlee farewell and warmly welcome the new Mama Marlee than eating some delicious food and working my last shift before being induced. I like to go out with a bang, what can I say!

 

Let’s try something bold and exciting and scary this coming week! I will be! And I’ll be back hopefully in a week to continue to give you advice on all of your cooking and kitchen queries. Don’t hesitate to email me things you’d like for me to discuss or any killer recipes I might have for pancakes or chicken or what have you. Next time we talk, I’ll have a little ninja to help me on our food adventures! Happy eating everyone!