Sunday, October 30, 2011

How Is This A Bad Thing???

I logged on to Facebook yesterday before I took off for the day spending it with my brother and I saw something that slightly disturbed me...
There's this girl that went to culinary school with me, at first glance anyone could have every right to misjudge her; had black and purple hair, anti-God tattoos, piercings everywhere, was into body modification, had dreads... yeah she was a character. And she had an attitude to go with it... she hung around the wrong crowd, swore almost as bad as my dad does (he was in the Navy... so he honestly swears like a sailor), smoke, drank, partied... all that jazz.
One day, this girl met this boy. This boy changed this girl around. She took her dreads out, her attitude toned down a bit, she hasn't been out partying as much and has just been a nicer person to be around and not have such a harsh first impression of her. She also has been posting quotes from Psalms and other parts of the Bible; big shock for me but I'm proud of her.
Back to yesterday, I got on Facebook and I saw her status and thought it truly was a beautiful post. She basically (in a terribly small nutshell) said that she has gained reassurance from the Lord of who she is because of his Spirit and how she can be confident in herself because he has confidence in her. I thought it was a wonderful post and enjoyed reading it. As I was getting ready, I saw that someone had commented on her status and said "Are you ok? You're getting all religious on us..."
How in the world is that a bad thing? Why should a simple and beautiful declaration of gained confidence and assurance in yourself because of your renewed relationship with you Creator raise any kind of concern? I mean, I could understand a raised level of concern if she went off about the current economic crisis, how work screwed her over, the school ripped her off or whatever and she was going to whack someone at the school to solve all her woes...
Concern for that I could understand, in fact I probably would've been the first one to say something to calme the situation. However... when does proclaiming one's new-found belief in Deity, morals, standards of living, declaration of hope etc... cause anyone to raise an eyebrow and ask if that person if they are ok??? What has this world come to? When have we must all of a sudden defend ourselves for posting a semi-religious quote on a social network that has no real value in the real world? When has talking about religion become grounds for offenses to be exchanged and feelings to be hurt? Why have we allowed religion and spirituality to take a back seat in our society and have become ashamed to share these sentiments? Why have we asked the Lord to sit quietly in the dark corners of our lives while we romp around in our lives and deny his very existence when it's convenient for us... then when our lives go up in flames, wonder why he wasn't there to save us and wonder "if God loves us, why does he let bad things happen?"
Some people...
Like I said in a previous post, I'm not one to wave my religion in people's faces, if they want to know more... I'm more than happy to talk to them and answer questions. However... I will never excuse myself for being "too religious" or apoligize for sharing a declaration of gained confidence because I have realized my divine nature and my personal worth to an All-knowing, All-powerful, All-Loving and Supreme Being. And neither should this girl I went to school with. Neither should anyone for that matter.
Seems to me like the world has lost a sense of reality on the eternal perspective of what really matters and what doesn't... what should make a person raise an eyebrow in concern and what should be complimented for significant progress in turning a life around... for the better!

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Tis the Freakin Season....

I promise I am in no way venting in this post... I'm just missing a special someone.
There seems to be two seasons for weddings: Summer... and Winter.
Occassionally there'll be weddings in between those two but those are rare and those individuals are quite weird. I've been to two weddings in the past 2 weeks and I have... about 2 or 3 more coming up here soon. Last year was worse though, I got 2 or 3 invitations in the mail a week! Everybody and their brother was getting married. Holy crap! I definitely was missing my boy very much and had a pang of jealousy and a touch bit of resentment to those who were getting married. Don't think I'm a horribly human being, please, because I was truly happy for those getting married and was excited to get their announcements/invitations. However, I couldn't help but looking up and saying quietly why not me?! Am I broken? Am I not worthy of this blessing? Why do I have to wait?? Almost instantaneously, a line from a poem would come to my mind that would help explain to me why:
You will never be united with another
Until you are united with me...
I won't read into other's relationships and the reasons for them moving on into a married life before me and why I have to feel like an old maid for so long but I know that when it's nights like these that I need to focus on the time I have to grow and progress into the woman I need to become and be worthy of the blessing of marriage. I also have to remember that I do have a man that I am going to marry, we just had to go through this stage to really appreciate each other and be put to the test. Make sure that our relationship was based upon a lasting friendship that will help us get through the toughest of times when we might not want to see each other's face for a while... I'm not banking on that happening but stranger things have been known to happen.
Once, before TJ left for his mission, he and I were talking about my single status for 19 years of my life and the possible reasons why and what he texted me when I had asked why took my breath away...
Maybe Heavenly Father was saving you for the one guy who would treat you like the angel you are
I think I'll keep this one. He's worth waiting for!
So tis the season for everyone to get married, it's ok. Bring it on. I'll get my own soon. And it will have meant more to me than anything else I have ever wanted because I had to wait, a very loooong time, to get this one thing! The one man who will always make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world

Thursday, October 20, 2011

If You Can't Handle the Heat....

I realized this week just how strong of a person I am when it comes to dealing with crap put out in the kitchen. It is quite cliche and everyone has heard of this statement but honestly... if you can't handle the heat, get out of the kitchen! Get out of my kitchen son.
For 3 months, I went through some of the worst times that made fellow cooks question as to why I was still at my job. I even wondered why I was still there. What was keeping me there? I honestly had no idea other than just the goal of staying somewhere for an entire year before moving on to a new kitchen. But I stayed! I never gave up, I came reeeeeeallly close believe you me. But I stayed.
This past week we had a new guy starting on sandwiches for lunch service. Sandwiches. How hard is that? Let's get real... I have to run 2 stations. That equates to cutting and making salads to order, pulling and building flatbreads to order, build desserts to order, do prep, make vinaigrette's, switch out both stations and start to set up for the night cooks. Do I get yelled at? I used to. For the longest time I thought I was the slowest and messiest cook at work; I had diminished my self confidence because of constantly being yelled at during service.
All homeboy had to do was build sandwiches, set up his station and just. make. sandwiches. He was slow and couldn't keep up; my sides were waiting on him. The chef was telling him to step it up and get it together. He ran out of stuff and it was just a rough lunch for him. I thought he did alright though... but what do I know... I'mjustasaladgirl... The next day he came into work 45 minutes late and threw in the towel. He "helped" set up the station and deuced out... Really??? he said that he couldn't handle the "hostile" environment and the constant being yelled at... Boy you wanna not be yelled at??? You are in the wrong industry. Chef's don't know how to talk with inside voices... it's too loud in the kitchen. If you think you suck when you start at a new kitchen, you're right! You do... but still not knowing sets for sandwiches after 5 lunch services... check into becoming a gym teacher... not much you have to do there.
Obviously, I don't appreciate primadonnas in the kitchen, especially when they believe they deserve certain things when they're the new guy. My advice: get over yourself and just bang out dishes. "Yes Chef" "Yes Chef" "Yes Chef." It's just food. Once you get people in the mix... that's when things get messy.
It boosted my confidence when my chef told me how good I have been doing the past 6 months there and how he wants to progress me in the kitchen, where he wants me to move and how valuable he sees me. I am actually good at my job. Looks like a girl can hold her own in a kitchen... I out lasted a new guy by just doing what I do best.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Tonight's Preview

Today marks yet another mini-milestone! 50 days until my Sweetheart is back home! I had a tiny preview of what that night will look like when we are reunited again after 736 days!
To spoil a bit of the story for you all, my Love and I will not be seeing each other for the first time at the airport, at the Stake Center, or even at my house after he has been released. We don't want to see each other until he has been released because honestly... I never want to shake that boy's hand (let's be real...) and it'll give his family time to be with him before he is released and he comes to see me. Our first plan was for him to just come over to my house after he was released and do that whole thing. One day, sometime last year rsmthng... he had sent me a tape and on that tape he had suggested that we meet each other at the temple. I loved that idea and told him so; so that's the new plan of action... meet each other at the temple after he has been released. I will have two of my close friends to distract me that entire day (I asked him not to send me flight plans as I want the time to go by as fast as it can for me to see him as soon as I possibly can) and be there at the temple with me to take pictures of us two so ya'll can see the moment as well. I have to start getting outfit ideas together so I can knock him dead after two years of not seeing his woman. I've got plans that I need to start rolling into action here soon!!! He's coming home!
But to get back to the whole temple topic, tonight I had a preview of just what my night will look like, giving that he is released at night and not the afternoon. I went to the temple tonight to do baptizms for the dead, since I won't be able to go my normal time and saw that the temple already had some lights up!!! I'm sooo stinkin excited! I love the Christmas time when the temple gets all decked out in lights and nativity scenes! It's honestly one of the most beautiful things ever. Aaaaaand with him coming home in December, that means that I will get to see him with Christmas lights in the background! Romantic much??? I love the idea! So here's the preview of what I get to look forward to:

I'm quite excited! I'm ready for my fairytale night!!! Just gotta find my killer outfit now....

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

I Don't Normally Do This...

I'm not one to get on a soapbox very often or go off about my beliefs and faith unless someone is truly interested rather than being curious. And I'm definitely not one to just post it for all the world to see. One of my biggest pet peeves is listening to people ignorantly bash on the military or my religion. I understand that people have different believes and different moral codes to live by... I don't care to be honest, I'll listen to what people have to say as long as they sound somewhat intelligent and like they have put some thought behind it all. Lately (within the past few days actually) there has been quite a stir concerning my churches' beliefs and standing within in the Christian community. All thanks to this guy

Not Anderson Cooper, he's alright. Jeffress... that guy on the right

Ever since Mitt Romney stepped onto the presidential candidate back in 2006, the LDS church has gotten a lot of spotlight and a lot of criticism due to people, like Jeffress, who like to bite off more than he can chew about a subject he clearly knows nothing about (as can be seen in his interview). I'm in no way endorsing Mitt Romney (I'll pay attention later on when a candidate has been selected) nor am I trying to convert the world with one blog post. I just want to set the facts straight and do what I can to try to stand up for something that I hold dear to my heart against hacks like Jeffress.

I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. As a Latter Day Saint, I am proud to say that I am a Christian, indeed I profess to follow the teachings of Jesus Christ. I have read and studied the Holy Bible, namely the Old and New Testaments and have come to know them as the word of God as long as it is translated correctly. I also, have read the Book of Mormon: Another testament of Jesus Christ, and have come to know it to be the word of God as well. I have not been a member of this church my whole life, in fact I'm a convert to this church and became a member a little over 9 years ago. So I actually researched the church, I have out it's teachings to the test and after many many many times, I have come to find this church consistent with it's teachings and that it truly is Christs' church, as it's name boldly professes to be. The LDS church, or more commonly referred to as, the Mormon church, is in fact a Christian church.

For those who wish to call the "Mormons" a cult, whether sociologically or theological, it really doesn't matter, need to look up the definition of a cult. If we use the Merriam Webster Dictionary definition of "cult" will come to see that all religions would fit under that category. Seems like people need to research definitions before flaying out words in hoping to make their point seem valid. What makes the LDS church so different from any other church in the world is that it is not a reformed church, rather it is a restored church. Meaning we believe that our church is structured after the model that Christ himself formed in ancient days during his ministry. We believe that Jesus Christ restored His church through Joseph Smith, a man called by God to be the first modern day prophet. It was through the power of God that Joseph Smith restored this church, translated the Book of Mormon, translated the Kings James Version of the Holy Bible, and bring to light many of the necessary ordinances we believe to be crucial to salvation. It was through Joseph Smith, that Jesus Christ began to run his church and continues to this day through our current living prophet. If any Christian who knows their Bible and know that " Jesus Christ the same yesterday, today and forever (Hebrews 13:8)" could agree that it would seem odd that a loving God would let there be prophets in ancient days but not in modern days, seeing what a mess the world is in now. So why not have prophets in latter days? Seems like a principle that makes sense considering what is said in the Bible.

For those who profess that Joseph Smith was a fraud, that he made up the entire Mormon religion, give this food for thought a mull over:


May I refer to a modern “last days” testimony? When Joseph Smith and his brother Hyrum started for Carthage to face what they knew would be an imminent martyrdom, Hyrum read these words to comfort the heart of his brother:

“Thou hast been faithful; wherefore … thou shalt be made strong, even unto the sitting down in the place which I have prepared in the mansions of my Father.

“And now I, Moroni, bid farewell … until we shall meet before the judgment-seat of Christ.”7

A few short verses from the 12th chapter of Ether in the Book of Mormon. Before closing the book, Hyrum turned down the corner of the page from which he had read, marking it as part of the everlasting testimony for which these two brothers were about to die. I hold in my hand that book, the very copy from which Hyrum read, the same corner of the page turned down, still visible. Later, when actually incarcerated in the jail, Joseph the Prophet turned to the guards who held him captive and bore a powerful testimony of the divine authenticity of the Book of Mormon.8 Shortly thereafter pistol and ball would take the lives of these two testators.

As one of a thousand elements of my own testimony of the divinity of the Book of Mormon, I submit this as yet one more evidence of its truthfulness. In this their greatest—and last—hour of need, I ask you: would these men blaspheme before God by continuing to fix their lives, their honor, and their own search for eternal salvation on a book (and by implication a church and a ministry) they had fictitiously created out of whole cloth?

Never mind that their wives are about to be widows and their children fatherless. Never mind that their little band of followers will yet be “houseless, friendless and homeless” and that their children will leave footprints of blood across frozen rivers and an untamed prairie floor.9 Never mind that legions will die and other legions live declaring in the four quarters of this earth that they know the Book of Mormon and the Church which espouses it to be true. Disregard all of that, and tell me whether in this hour of death these two men would enter the presence of their Eternal Judge quoting from and finding solace in a book which, if not the very word of God, would brand them as impostors and charlatans until the end of time? They would not do that! They were willing to die rather than deny the divine origin and the eternal truthfulness of the Book of Mormon.

-Jeffery R. Holland "Safety for the Soul" October 2009

I think that it's safe to say that anyone who was willing to die for something wouldn't die for something that they made up for any sort of gain.

The Book of Mormon has undergone some extreme criticism which in all seriousness does not make any sense to me. Anyone, who's really wanted to know the truth of this book, just needs to read it (not under the influence of any drugs or stimulates may I throw in there). This is what separates those who are truly interested and those who are just curious or trying to find some way to prove it false. So what if somethings don't match up in the Book of Mormon? There are plenty of things in the Bible that don't make sense but you don't see the Lutheran or Protestant churches as a whole disclaiming the validity of that sacred text. In John we read that "other sheep I have which are not of this fold, them must I also bring and they shall hear my voice; and there shall be one fold, and one shepherd (John 10:16)." Wouldn't it also make sense that these other folds also have their own set of scriptures? It would be unfair and unjust for a loving God to only talk to one set of people and yet not others, thus condemning them since they would not have a written copy of what was spoken to them by God himself. Any of those who really want to know if the Book of Mormon is real, read it and follow the challenge found at the end of the book.

As a side note, not totally related to the church at all, all of those who are against the church, please stop relating Warren Jeffs and all of those involved with the polygamist sect to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. He and his followers are members of the Reformed Latter Day Saints, a broken off sect of the church. The RLDS and FLDS are NOT members of the LDS church.

To wrap this post up, I just want to end on this note. If you wanted to know what a Buddist believed, you wouldn't ask a Catholic, would you? If you wanted to know what a Muslim believed, you wouldn't ask a Hindu, would you? If you wanted to know what a "Mormon" believed, you would ask a good standing member of the church, wouldn't you? Ask someone who really follows and believes what the church teaches, not a "Jack Mormon" or a member who has been excommunicated. In sum, go to the source for the truth, instead of relying on the biased opinion of an ignorant Baptist pastor in Texas who has a bone to pick with my church.

"And we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophecy of Christ, and we write according to our prophecies, that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission for their sins (2nd Nephi 25:24)." If this isn't a Christian statement... then I have no idea what would be considered on!

Again, my intention of this post was not to convert the world nor delve into deep doctrinal discussions about the church. It was just to clear up some misconceptions the the media has seemed to focus on about the church I belong to. If any reader has any further questions about the Latter Day Saint church, just visit mormon.org to read about our beliefs further and you can even talk to representatives to clear up any questions.

I am a daughter of two loving parents, sister to an outgoing brother, friend to many in all different walks of life, an aspiring culinarian, a dog lover, and a mentee to an amazing mentor. My name is Marlee Martin and I... am a Mormon.


Sunday, October 9, 2011

Less Than is Always Better Than...

So today marks the "less than" 2 months phase I'm in right now. I'm at crossroads with my feelings and emotions at this point. It must be quite normal I imagine in the waiting scheme... I'm hoping so. Maybe it's just my stoic tendancy when I become sick... I have no idea.
In less than 2 months, I'll be getting my boyfriend back.
What if what if what if what if what if what if.... you get the picture. I'm a duck on the water, the surface or what you see is calm and serene, inside is like the ducks feet under water... going 100mph to upkeep that look of serenity.
It's extremely frustrating. I have done my best to do what I felt was the plan for me in this waiting game. What if I did this all wrong? What if I was supposed to date? What if I was supposed to go to the singles ward? What if all of these doubts really should've been addressed instead of being pushed aside until he comes home? I have felt like I did everything that I felt I needed to do but forever is such a long time to deal with the decisions you make now... and I want to make the right ones more than I want to be with a certain someone forever... and he knows that. He recognizes and praises my need to follow the plan intended for me rather than going on with what it is that I want to do.
I'm all a mess... as a good friend of mine would say "a hot mess." At least I'm hot I guess... even as I'm sitting and typing all of this stuff out... these what if's don't make any sense to me. You know this isn't right, these thoughts aren't right always come whenever I say them or write them down... so what can't I remember that when they come?! I'm just all over the place. I promise I'm excited to have him home. I'm excited to see his handsome face. I'm excited to be in his comforting arms and to hear that sweet voice of his saying my name and "I love you" into my ear. I miss him. Everything I am misses him. I have never felt so happy than I was when I was with him, I miss that happiness. I have tried to be completely happy while he's been gone but even though I've tried and done the things that I've always wanted to do, I still feel like something is missing. I have felt incomplete for the past 22 months. I just hope that the feeling of completeness comes back. I just hope that the thoughts are nothing to worry about.
I just hope.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Self Discovery

As I was working by myself this morning for the first hour and a half today, I made a discovery about myself... I am a very routine based invidiual. The outcome of my day depends on them. If my routine is disturbed somehow... my whole day is out of whack. Doesn't mean that I don't adapt to change very well, I do... it just takes some getting used to is all. A roommate of mine had pointed this attribute out to me over a year ago and commented on my morning routine. It is so true though... if she hit snooze one time too many... it threw off my entire morning routine and I would be in a funk for the rest of the day. Pathetic isn't it, to let other people's decisions and actions determine how my day goes. But we all do it whether we realize it or not.
Tonight I was wasting time on Facebook and I just realized that shortly here, I'll have to form and get used to a whole new routine. I've gotten my current one down for now, all I do is work so it isn't too hard (I mean come one... I was juggling 5 things at one point for a good while) but I've been feeling quite stir crazy lately. I have too much time; before all I wanted was some time... just to be able to sit and breathe. Now I have time to sit.... and think... and not know what to do with myself. Soon though, I'll have a new routine, a new thing to adjust to and that, my good people, makes me super excited! I get to have my happiness back! About 2 years ago, I had dreaded the thought of spending 2 years all by my lonesome, without my other half; I'll be quite honest though, you do get into a comfortable routine when your love is far far away for a very long time. It took me about 6 months to be ok with him being gone and finally get into thte swing of things of my life without him. I've never been content though. I always knew something was missing, I wasn't as happy as I am when he's with me. Yet with him being gone, I've had to adjust to a new life and to new things to occupy my time. As the end is drawing closer to his mission, I can't help but think about all the things that will change when he comes home. I am excited for those changes! I can't wait for my boyfriend to be back home and in my arms again! I love him and miss him mucho! Tomorrow is letter day and I'm suuuuuper excited for my letter!!! I'll definitely adapt to this change a lot better than being thrown off my normal groove.

Monday, October 3, 2011

My Competition Adventure

Alright, I'm done waiting for pictures to come and quite frankly... I'll just add them whenever they come. I do have quite a bit anyway of the competition and the trip as a whole and I know that you faithful readers are waiting to hear about all of what happened so far far away in Innsbruck, Austria about a month ago. Enjoy the story time!
First, let me tell you about the logisitcs of the competition. The Big Cooking Contest is a cooking competition unlike any other in the world. A team of two is given a mystery basket, a basket containing random ingredients which the team must include in a dish. They are allowed to use a pantry to supplement anything that they might need. They are given a total of 40 mintues to look over the basket, plan their dish, write a menu, and execute the dish. Once the team has written out the menu, they are allowed to start cooking. Got it? Good! It's exciting let me tell you! Now a little background on the Red Team: the red team for AIPX was made up of myself and a boy named Jeremy Stephens. I had no previous cooking competition experience whatsoever but I had about 6 years of working industry experience under me to help get me through. Jeremy had a bit more competition experience than I and had been working at a restaurant for about a year and a half. Last year, Jeremy was chosen to go to this exact same competition with a different partner (I didn't exist on the eligibility radar just yet) and had taken 2nd place, beating out the German and Austrian teams. Was I intimidated when I found this out???? Oh I wanted to puke when I did... this all comes into play I promise!
We left for our trip on an early September morning, I had been up a whole day before and since I worked for 10 hours before our flight, I figured why not continue to stay up. I did take a few naps throughout the 3 flights but never truly got any restful sleep. I had ended up being awake for about 36 hours... longest day of my life! Once we landed in Innsbruck, I was in total dismay that it was only 10 in the morning on Sunday. I just wanted to go to our rooms and go to sleep. However... we all needed to adjust to the time change and had to stay up for as long as possible. We spent all of Sunday exploring the city of Innsbruck, going around the town square, looking through the markets, getting adjusted to our rooms for the week and just spending time together as a team! Later that night, the black team and I spent about an hour and a half going through mental rounds (rounds where we were given random ingredients and we have to mentally concieve a dish with said ingredients and write it down) and we all got our mental planning down to 2 minutes which is fast! My partner had been asleep during the mental rounds which began to worry me about his commitment to the competition and if I was going to have to go about this on my own. Finally... the longest day of my life was over and I finally went to bed at 9.
Monday morning we woke up early to find the convention center and see the competition ahead of us. After some stalling with the car and driving around the block looking for a parking space, we finally entered into the convention center and found the kitchens that could potentially change the course of our future. The moment we walked in, all eyes were on Jeremy. The judges and coaches remembered him but wondered who was the new girl with him. As we walked closer to the kitchens, it was surreal to look at the arena I hade been preparing for intensely for my entire cooking career whether I had realized it or not. There were two identical kitchens separated by a wall and bleachers facing towards them so that an audience could sit and witness the magic that could ensue. I immediately sat down and began to watch the rounds taking place, I took notes on what was inside the baskets and getting my mind into the competition: what would I do with those ingredients? I'd turn to Jeremy and consult with him, bouncing back and forth culinary ideas and trying meld them together. I could tell that something was different with him though, I felt that he wasn't all there and I began to worry even more. I needed him fully there and I just didn't know what was going on with him; I had expressed my concerns to chef and she reassured me that he was fine and he was fully there... still I was worried. She told me that we needed to talk later in the day, just Jeremy and I, to get our anxities out and focus on what we came to do. We had spent a good few hours at the center watching and finally left to continue to explore the city and look more closely at the markets we had there. The produce was incredible! The foods were pure and unadulterated! Truly it was culinary heaven and I was blessed enough to see it! I enjoyed every minute being in those markets and seeing the dishes at estaurants, these people know how to treat their food. It isn't just a mass produced commodity, they take care into their foods, their menus, their dishes. It was truly incredible to see.
We went back to our rooms after the markets and I finally found a computer with wifi access (hallelujah!!!) and was able to get on Facebook to let everyone know who wanted to keep tabs with us on how to do so. Jeremy and I messaged each other for a bit and I told him that I wanted to win so bad. He told me to just talk to him, to shoot down his stupid ideas and tell him what I was thinking. I suggested individual rounds for just us and he said "see! great idea!" So we did, we had a couple rounds just the two of us to try and get on that level we needed to be. Then it was time for dinner. Later that night, both AIPX teams met up with the Charleston teams for dinner at an alright German restaurant (I'm not a big fan of German food to be honest...) and everything seemed to be going pretty well until about halfway through dinner. It seemed like the Charleston team was super interested in my partner and was asking him all kinds of questions and he was talking freely. As I was sitting next to him in silence, I was freaking out mentally about what I was hearing as far as the Q&A was going. Even though we were all Americans, I wanted no team to be given an upper hand against Jeremy and I. I tried to control my emotions but clearly was not doing a good job since he knew something was up. After dinner, we came back to our rooms and I hear a loud knock on my door. My coach all but grabbed me by my collar and took me to her room where Jeremy was. She said "I have given you two plenty of opportunities to talk to each other and break the ice. Looks like I'm going to have to do it for you."
We sat across the room from each other in silence until the coach said "Alright Marlee, what's wrong?" Way to be called out. So I told him about the night and how I was frustrated how he talked so freely to the other team about what he had done last year and that I did not want any other team to have an advantage. He apologized for that and had explained that it was more of a psych our tactic because they had no idea what they were headed for in the competition. He said that if he just started to spew off again, to just elbow him really hard. Then my coach said "I don't want you to worry about him, he is fully here. I've talked to him and he has a lot of pressure riding on this competition... I need you to trust me when I say that he's ok. Because you don't trust him do you?" I nodded slightly. Then we delved into the deep part of the talk where I was informed of the exact seriousness of the pressure my partner was facing on doing well in this competition; how highly my partner regarded me and how intimidated he had been of me "When the judges saw that I had come back, they asked me if I had brought back the same partner and I said 'no... she's better."; what he thought of when he first saw me taking notes during the first ever meeting about there even being an Austrian team "I sat in the back to scope out who all was there. I was only supposed to be the one to give information, I wasn't supposed to go. I looked around the room to see who I would want to be paired up with if I could go. I saw you taking notes from behind and thought 'I want this girl! She is smart and she is serious about this!"; what he thought when he found out that we were partners; why he wanted to cook; how he started out; what this meant to him. That night, his burden became mine. When people at school found out that Jeremy and I made up the Red Team, they said "you guys are going to take it, you are going to get him to the end!" but that wasn't even the extent of it, my partner had so many personal reasons to do well in the competition. At the end, I felt an immense responsibility to do well to get him to first place. I was the one with the experience, I needed to do all I could. There were some tears involved and finally, finally I felt as if we were a team! We had struggled for 3 months with our communication but never getting to where we needed to be to be the best we could possibly be. We finally understood each other and we were finally ready to do what we needed to do the next day.
Tuesday morning I got out of bed because, let's be honest, I was a total wreck and couldn't sleep. I said a prayer to help calm mine and Jeremy's nerves so that we could do the best we could that day and went off to get ready. I was dressed and had my face on and knocked on the boy's door, the black team boy opened the door and Jeremy saw me and immediately walked out of the door to go to breakfast with me. We didn't eat, we just sat at the table and tried to calm each other down. We tried to joke but never truly laughed. We left to go to the convention center and my heart was in my throat beating so hard. We got to the stands and sat next to each other and quietly watched the rounds before us.

We had to wait 3 hours before our round was up. Neither of us could sit still so we walked around the center a couple of times, got some soda and talked to keep our minds off of the round ahead of us. We came back, sat down again, and got back up to walk around again. Finally, with about 15 minutes we were supposed to go, we put on our aprons and hats and got ready for our turn. Chef talked to us for a few minutes, gave us a hug and took a few pictures. Then it was time.
I spent the first 10 minutes in the kitchen smelling every. single. spice. and tasting and discovering what each container held (everything was in freakin German!). I had become comfortable with everything, memorized the placements of the pots, pans, untensils and then looked at Jeremy, we were ready to take on this mystery basket!
The basket was placed in front of us and we were told to open it, our time started now! We were given two whole trouts, a steak of salmon, a tomato, and a bizarre green that had a citrus but wasabi-like spice to it.

We decided to do a Trout Papillote, tabouleh salad with wilted greens and roasted peppers, vermouth cream sauce, crispy leeks, and a sashimi-style salmon ceviche. We wrote and turned in our menu in 3 mintues... that meant we had 37 minutes to execute and plate our dish! We were off and did not stop until it was all over. Jeremy began breaking down the fish and I began everything else; he asked for something... bam! done! Component after component was knocked out. We were flying around that kitchen, I had so much adrenaline in my system that I had moved faster than I had ever done before. I could see out of my eye that Jeremy's hands were shaking while fab-ing out the fish and I had to keep talking to him, keep him calmed and focused. I had my bulgur sitting in water, working (or so I thought) for my tabouleh salad. I looked up to see the time on the clock and there was this Great Wall of China of people surrounding our kitchen. All eyes were on Team 8. I freaked out by how many people were there and how crowded we were but I kept pushing through. We had 5 minutes left and I discovered that my bulgur was still crunchy... not how it's supposed to be. I had no time to fix it, Jeremy tasted it and said to just go with it. We plated oour four plates and time was up. I looked at Jeremy with the expression of "did that just happen?!" He looked at me and began to clean. We cleaned our kitchen while our food was taken away to the presentation table and back to the judges to be tasted. I realized to my horror that I had prepared my bulgur incorrectly and began to feel sick thinking that I had costed us our chance at the competition. On the drive back to our rooms, I couldn't even think straight and ran the round over and over in my head. We'd find out if we made it the next day and I prayed that we had done enough.
The next day, the Black Team competed and I was nervous for them as well. They had a rough round and didn't have too good of results. Both teams were on edge and nervous as to our standings. We found out that we needed to come back around 5 that afternoon to see which teams had made it, so we killed time at the zoo before we had to go. We were back right at 5 and had to wait for another 45 minutes before the results were announced. I was the biggest stress case and so was Jeremy, we could not stand still one second. Finally the judges came up, speaking in German about how well everyone did and we shoul all be proud etc... they eventually got to where they were going to announce who moved on and who did not. If a team did not advance to the next round, they were given a certificate of participation and a goodie bag. If a team did make it to the next round, they were given a hand shake. I was all confused about it; after 4 teams were called up and their fate decided, Jeremy and my names were called. We went up to the stand and my hand was shaken. I thought "are you serious?!" All too soon were Jeremy and I given folders and goodie bags and told "see you next year!" I was stunned and had no idea what just happened. We came back to the group and asked the translator what was going on, she had no clue. Finally, as time went on... the Black Team was not passed through, neither were the Charleston teams. No Americans were passed on to the next round, I fought so hard to fight back my tears and be a good sport. I had let my partner down, I let my coach down, I let the school down, I let myself down... this wasn't supposed to happen. I turned to Jeremy and said "I'm so sorry." He grabbed me in for a hug and said "don't be stupid ok! You have nothing to be sorry about."
That was it. It was all over. No more competing. No more rounds for any of us the following day. We went back to our rooms and I grabbed Jeremy and said let's go for a walk. We walked around the property and talked about what had just happened and thinking of what could've been so wrong about our dish that we didn't make it through. Finally Jeremy clued me in and said "It was all political. Do you remember what the other teams did for their plates? We were the only ones given 2 proteins, we were on time, showed technique, worked clean, were sanitary. They pick who they want to win. They weren't going to get a Cinderella ending if they let us through. We did all we could but they didn't want us to pass through from the beginning. The other American coach cried when we didn't get passed through." "Why?" "Because a judge had pulled him aside and told him that you and I were making it to the next round." "We were?!" "I knew for a while, same thing happened to me. But something changed from when I was told to now. They had two lists didn't you see? They didn't read our names out of the folder like the others... but yet, we still weren't passed through." That's when it hit me... It didn't matter how much skill we showed, how much knowledge we let manifest on the plate or how many manipulations we could do with the proteins given to us. It didn't matter if we were on time, worked clean, or wore gloves and used hem correctly. We were never going to pass through. Someone had been rooting for us, but then again, someone was very upset that an American team got 2nd last year.
So that was it. The next morning, while others were sweating it in the kitchen, we went out of town and enjoyed our days off. We went to Imst and rode and Alpine coaster, toured a Brewery and had a ton of fun. Then Friday, we went to Italy. Yeah. That's right! Italy!! More specifically... Venice!!!! I'm not even lying! We had real Italian food and had many adventures. I stepped off of the plane, a new person. I became a stronger cook, gained more confidence, had a stronger sense of what to do with my life, and grew. Even though we didn't go on to do what we know we could've easily done, I would not change a single thing. It wasn't my time to win and shine. I had grown more during the process of becoming a competitor than I could've gained had I won. I learned that I was much better than I gave myself credit for and that I needed to trust in my ideas because my partner and coach did. I learned about 5 of the most misunderstood people of that school (myself included) in that one week in Austria than if I had never gone to that meeting in the first place. During our deep talk on that Monday night, chef had told Jeremy and I that she would've never trusted him with anyone else for a partner, that we had been brought together for a reason... two cooks with the same style and outlook on food and the same passion, we work great together and to never let that go. There is a reason why I was able to go to Austria despite the possible financial hardships that could've prevented the teams from even going, and there is a reason why Jeremy and I were put together out of the 25 other students chef could've paired me with. That trip and that competition has changed my life forever and I'm so grateful for the opportunity I had to go over there and experience a bit of Europe with the people I did! I couldn't imagine a better group to go with and laugh (and snort with) for an entire week, and I couldn't imagine a better partner to make amazing food with for the past 3 months. Partners for life Jeremy... partners for life!

Sunday, October 2, 2011

We Thank Thee O God For a Prophet...

Today marks the close of another General Conference for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. When I first became a member of the church, I was really bored by the whole concept of General Conference. Just because I was young and I guess didn't really see the importance of the meetings. I would watch, don't get me wrong, I just wouldn't really take to heart what was said and really paying attention. Thanks to my later years in seminary, I began to foster a love for General Conference and actually began to pay attention (imagine that)! I found that if I really listened with an open heart, I loved conference!!! I learned so much and found things that I needed to hear and to apply to my life to make me a happier and better person. Once in seminary, one of my teachers challenged us to come to conference with 3 questions that we had pondered over and wanted to have answered. Every single time I have done that, I have always walked away with answers to every. single. question. It's amazing what happens when you mentally and spiritually prepare yourself to recieve what it is the Lord wants you to know right now.
General Conference has taken on a whole new level of... spirituality for me since TJ has been on his mission. Knowing that my missionary is watching the exact same thing that I am has been a tremendous blessing and makes me excited for the following weeks to get his notes and thoughts on what his favorite talks were and things he thought were important for him! Sometimes we even have the same favorite talks! We're cute. So the significance of this General Conference is that this is my last one with him gone!! The next time General Conference is on, in April, he will be home and I'll be able to watch it with him! I'm sooo excited!
I am so grateful to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and to be led by a living prophet today! I know that Thomas S. Monson leads and guides this church under the direction of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I know the Book of Mormon to be the word of God and another testament to Jesus Christ and his ministries on the earth. I know that temples are houses of God and are places where sacred covenants can be made. I love this church and I'm so glad to be a member and have all that I have! See you in 6 months conference!
p.s. I promise I'll post about Austria and the competition soon! I'm just waiting to get a few more pictures in!