Obsessions

I have very very few obsessions in my life. I've hardly admitted them to anyone but I figure that it is finally time to come forth and confess my two obsessions that I've had for a very very very long time

1) NUTELLA

No amount of words can describe my love for this jar of amazingness! I very much love this and wish I could have it everyday without negative caloric consequences! Simply indulgent and my bane. I will be a happy to die with my jar of nutella in hand!

2) Nail polish

Sooooo.... I LOVE painting my toenails (can't do the fingers because my industry and all) and if they get all chipped up, I go nuts until I am able to fix them and then I am fine again. The only sad thing is.... 95% of my colors are different shades of red. My parents believe that's the only nail color available for some reason. I'd LOVE to have a neon green. Construction bright orange. Delicate pink. Goth black. Anything but red. So... perfect gift for my birthday: nail polish in any other beautiful color other than red.

3) December 7th, 2011

'Nough said. There will be pictures for that day and I'm oozing with anticipation, nerves, worries, excitement, and anxiety for that glorious day to finally come. Had to save the best for last on this one!

My Heart's Greatest Desire

I love to see the temple.

I'll go inside someday

I'll cov'nant with my Father;

I'll promise to obey.

For the temple is a holy place,

Where we are sealed together.

As a child of God, I've learned this truth:

A fam'ly is forever.

Finally!!!

Dont' worry... it's not the finally... but...

Finally!!! My computer hadn't been getting internet for 5 days, so I've had to fall back on my iPod to stay in contact with the world around me (ie Facebook). Quick update as to the happenings of my life.

First of all. Practices started today!! In kitchen practices! It was amazing to see what my partner and I could come up with in 30 minute rounds with seemingly incohesive and random foods. We made it work! It was madness for 30 minutes but once time was called and we placed our plates on to the presentation table... what we had created was at times a little rough around the edges but the flavors and textures were magical and adventurous! I have more practical experience than my partner, I've been cooking a lot longer than he has. He, however, has been competing more than I have. He brings the speed and finesse, I bring the practicality and the knowledge to the table. It's been an amazing experience so far and I'm so incredible grateful to have this opportunity to go to Austria! A little bit of information though that I learned about the pressure of this current situation I have though is that.... last year, my partner and his former teammate he went with to Austria, got ranked SECOND place by .10 of a point. How the flip?! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!! Oh you bet I freaked out and almost got sick when I learned that! I immediately paid my check at the restaurant and went back to work in the library to study. This competition just got that much more real to me... Pressure!!!

Secondly. Yesterday marked a momentous day for me. 9 years ago, yep 9 years ago July 21, 2002, I was baptized a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints with my little brother! Let me just put a plug in for this for a second. These past 9 years have flown by sooo fast and honestly, I have to actually remember that I'm a convert some days, this all just seems like I was a member my whole life. I'm soooo incredibly grateful for the two missionaries that found my family on a secluded hill in San Diego and visited us every Friday to teach my brother and myself the restored gospel of Jesus Christ! My soul will be eternally indebted to them for their decision to serve a mission and to reactivate my parents as well as bring my brother and I into the church. This gospel has blessed my life tremendously in more ways than I can even comprehend. I love this church, I'm thankful for my testimony, I'm truly truly blessed! I am a Mormon and am dang proud of it!

Coincidentally, the same day as the 9 year anniversary, yesterday also marked only 4 1/2 months left! Yes you got that right folks... he's coming home fast! In yesterday's letter, the significant other expressed his excitement at how fast that very important day is approaching! I'm so incredibly grateful for this experience to have shared with my Honey! He makes me so proud and I'm so happy to have a missionary! If you had told me 4 years ago, that I was going to wait for a missionary, I would've laughed at your face and told you that you were an idiot! I guess I was proven wrong by a Higher Source. Talk about having to sit down and eating some humble pie... this one is a delicious one though! I have to put together his last package within a few weeks for his birthday and it's weird to start getting into the mentality of "this is the last such and such thing I have to buy." Honestly... I think the post office will miss my business a lot and my frequent visits. It's a lifestyle I've gotten used to and to be quite honest... it's weird to think he'll be home... BUT I'll get over that quite quickly I'm sure.

Lastly, I just want to express my appreciation for my fellow MG's (graduated and still in the waiting) that have helped me so much over the past year to get through all that I have! Seeing them get their men back has helped give me hope that I actually stand a chance in doing all of this! It's been an amazing journey and I love and appreciate all of the support, advice, love, excitement, concern, and what have you that these girls have given over the time I've been a part of this Secret Sisterhood. I'm just really grateful and happy and all I can do is express it! My life is wonderful. 'nough said.

It's Beginning to Thicken...

This week was the first week of team meetings for the competition in Austria. May I please express just how excited I am for this??? FREAKIN excited! The first day was just going over expectations of the competition, practice times, what we need to do as teammates to get in sync with each other, why we were paired together, suggestions to make each time as strong as possible, etc. It was really good to hear all of the suggestions and advice the coach had for us all. I was trying my best to focus and take it all in with just 3 hours of sleep the night before. I had to bow out a bit early since my job had scheduled me to work that morning. The next morning, we did verbal practices where the coach just gave us random items that popped into her head for us to try to design the plate and menu around. In the competition we'll only have about 5 minutes to plan before we cook; we started off with 7 minutes and each round, the coach brought us down just a bit until we reached 5 minutes. To be really honest, I was really intimidated at first and my teammate ran the first round as to what we could do with the ingredients told to us. After that though, I got more and more comfortable with my teammate and began to have confidence in my ideas. I actually come up with some good stuff. I had soooo much fun doing these mental practices and just hashing out ideas with my partner and seeing what we could come up with. Next week we actually begin to bang it out in the kitchen and make what we come up with. I'm quite nervous... we'll see how it goes. We had our first "publicity" event on Thursday, selling croissants and profiterols with vanilla ice cream and chocolate sauce (yes... a bake sale). Anyway, it was awesome to tell people that the proceeds were for us to go to Austria and compete. A lot of people were excited to hear that the school was competing.

Things are starting to fall into place. This is really happening, I'm going to Austria to compete on an international level. I'll get my competition jacket and my practicing jacket. I only hope I can make my school proud half way around the world against pros. It's a lot of pressure, it's going to happen really quickly. Hopefully it doesn't happen too quickly and make me explode. I'm definitely excited to go though! Life is going to be fun for the next 9 weeks!

They need a Compound-W for this

So... I'm probably the BIGGEST worry wort you'll ever meet... well there are probably bigger ones out there I'm quite sure. But I'm pretty bad. I constantly worry about things that I really have no reason to just to give my mind something to do. It's been a problem since I was 16 and was the main confidant for my parents when they were going through troubles in their marriage. It's terrible for me to say but they're the big reason why I'm so stinkin scared to get married at times. It's gotten to the point where there have been times where I'm ok with never getting married just to keep away from "choosing" the wrong person and messing up the rest of eternity for me. However... I know that's not what I need to be doing. In fact, it's a commandment to be married if/when we do find someone good enough for us. I know that... still scares me from time to time.

Recently there've been blog posts, comments, posts on facebook about married couples splitting up, divorcing, dating people breaking up and knowing about all of this just reignites that consuming fear of "what if," it's debilitating, it's hindering, it's not healthy but I don't know how to stop it. Even though I've had my "answer" and feel good about where the boy and I are at, sometimes something somewhere will ignite the "what if's" and I'm back into a downward spiral of second guessing and self doubting. I have no confidence, or if I do... it's very minimal. It's really frustrating for me to deal with and disheartening because then I begin to wonder if I'm even really doing what the Lord wants me to do in regards to waiting or life in general... or if I'm just righteously ruining my life mucho.

This morning was an especially rough morning where I began to wonder if my doubts were coming from the adversary or if the Lord was trying to get to really look at my relationship and get me to reconsider things. I spent the whole day in mental turmoil, despite the excruciating headache I had for 4 hours, mulling over every little thing that has happened to me over the past 2 years and if I was reading too much into anything. I was pleading in my head for relief of this battle going on and remembered that today was the infamous Letter Day and that gave me something to look forward to. I finally got home after a very long day and immediately grabbed my letter and went into my room. A big portion of his letter was dedicated to faith, hope, and following the Lord's plan for us as a couple and us as individuals. I felt this overwhelming wave of comfort and deep reassurance that this is what I need to be doing at this time. My worries and what if's have disappeared now and I'm still in awe that everything I was worrying about this week (of which my boy knew nothing of may I remind you) was addressed in the letter. I have no idea how this is done really, so perfectly to a "t," it just constantly reminds me that the Lord is in charge and He knows what I need, when I need it, and from whom I need it the most. I'm so grateful for His guidance in my life and for the love He has for me.

Next week marks 4 1/2 months left! I can't believe it's coming so soon!

New and Exciting Things

Many new and exciting things happening here shortly!! First of all, 150 days until I get to see that boy of mine again! I'm getting beyond excited, it's probably really annoying :) Secondly, today I get to start reading the Book of Mormon with that same boy today! By the end of TJ's first month, I was having a hard time missing him and wondering how to keep us growing together so that we would still be on the same page when he came home and one of my lovely roommates, who happened to help me so much during the first 6 months, suggested that we read our scriptures together and talk about what we've learned. This suggestion has helped us grow so much; I ran the idea past TJ and he loved the idea so much and so we ran with it. Our goal was to read all 4 books of the Standard Works during his mission and for the past 17 months we have successfully (and sometimes slowly) trekked our way through the Doctrine and Covenants, Pearl of Great Price, the Old Testament, and the New Testament. Now, for the last leg of his mission, we get to read the book that is the cornerstone of our religion, the book which he teaches and converts people from. I already have a strong testimony of the truthfulness of this amazing book but I know that there is going to be something special about reading the Book of Mormon with my missionary while he gives his all this special work these last few months. I can't wait to grow even more alongside him and I'm so excited for this little journey!

Yesterday I had fully off of work (a day off on a Friday?! in a restaurant?! whaaa???) and I took full advantage of it! I washed my little car from this HUGE dust storm we had over here, replaced her wipers, and made an amazing dinner for my family and my newly engaged friend and her fiance! I had the hardest time coming up with this dish for a couple of days and finally the day of, I came up with it! Let me just say... I can kinda cook ;)

I made a Moroccan Broiled Salmon with Israeli Pearled Couscous, white corn, butter braised radishes, and seared bok choy. Ummm... yum?! But the family, friend, and fiance all loved it! As my friend and her significant other were eating the dinner, the fiance said that he needed to treat me to ice cream as a form of payment. My argument was I've got 5 months left to try and look ok for my guy when he comes home, I can't be eating ice cream. After about 3 go arounds with us saying the same thing, he finally said "I'll train you for the next 5 months." He's dead serious. So I'm excited, my butt is finally going to get kicked and get in shape! Me= happy!

I need to give a quick shout out to Kendahl, my best MG friend ever! She is getting to reaching her boys year mark in just 5 days and I'm so excited for her! She has been such a positive light to me and I'm so glad to have her! She's always there for support, to listen to, to get excited with, to swap stories and ideas with. She's been such an amazing friend to me for the past 8 months and I'm so lucky to have her in my life! We've become great friends through Facebook, texting, and our weekly Sunday Skype dates! I hope I've told her enough how much I appreciate her love and friendship!

On Thursday, I picked up my last school schedule ever!!!! Well probably not ever, but my last one at this school! It's a bittersweet moment because I'm so excited to get out in the real world and just be totally encompassed by the industry but at the same time... I've had a lot of great memories at school and have met a lot of incredible chefs who have made me who I am today! I get to take my last cooking class at AIPX with the chef who started me off and I'm excited for the butt riding he's going to give me while in class (he knows I'm going to Austria so he's going to be right in my ear the entire 9 weeks of his class). I'm so excited for this last quarter, all that I've been dreaming about for years is starting to wrap up in the next few months and then I get to start my career as a young culinarian. This also means that I get to start the ever amazing eeeearly morning practices for the competition! They start next Wednesday morning at 6 am... all I can say is heaven help me. I'm very very excited for the amazing things coming up in my life these next 3 months, time is going to fly by and I absolutely cannot wait! I may not be posting as much once school and practice starts but at least I'll have cool stories and pictures when I do!

One Hand

Us MG's (missionary girlfriend's) like to refer to "one hand" as 5 MONTHS LEFT! Get it... because you can count the number of months left on 1 hand...

So that's it. One hand. 5 months. 152 days. Left. It's so surreal! It's finally happening... and in 12 hours... I get a lovely letter. Life could not get better right now. Time to start making some welcome home plans and get things underway.

Little Miracles... Tender Mercies.

I had somewhat of a mental breakdown early (veeery early) this morning; partially due to lack of sleep and the time it was and another due to what was causing so much stress and frustration in my life. Here's a little bit of fact some of you may not know... I teach the 3-4 year olds at church (Sunbeams) and they can be a bit... challenging, 4 of them sometimes seems too much to handle occasionally. This morning, I felt like a complete wreck, puffy eyes and all and still hadn't read my lesson to teach my kids today. Totally unprepared and honestly, I really didn't feel like teaching them today, I just wanted to hide away in Relief Society with all the old bitties and call it a day. However, I know what I needed to do and that I was called to teach these kids for a reason (that and there was absolutely NO way I'd be able to find a substitute for my class in 15 mins while I was still at church). So I sucked it up.

Let me tell you... Heavenly Father knows exactly what we need and when we need it. It wasn't the relief I was looking for at all but it was the relief my soul needed. I went to Primary and to my complete shock... I only had 1 kid in primary... 1 and the presidency didn't even offer to have me combine with the other Sunbeam class. I just had to watch one boy (who does happen to be my favorite, I'll admit) and it was just nice to sit back and have him sit on my lap. "We" (the boy and I) learned "I Love to See the Temple" today and during class, we just sat on the floor, he had Cheerios and Pops, I drew him fireworks, we had a tiny lesson on families... and I was able to just feel calm and enjoy my time with him.

I really feel like a little child sometimes that just needs to be held and comforted. I've always liked this picture of the Savior because I just feel this way sometimes. I just need to be held and comforted in the way that's best for me. I definitely felt the Saviors love for me through this little tender mercy.

Even though I was having a not-so-righteous-pity party, I always know that the Lord is there to help me whenever I need it, I just have to turn to Him and allow the help to come to me. He's more than willing, I just have to recognize it when it comes! PS. Just found this picture... I love it as well! So this day turned out to be a great day after all, now I the renewed strength I need to carry on and keep doing what the Lord would have me do.

Many Thoughts

So first and foremost of my thoughts going on in my head... TJ has been out for exactly 19 months today!! Holla! I'm so stinkin excited and will possibly be getting even more annoying as time goes on because this means I only have 5 more months until I get to see him again!!!! AHHHHH :) freaking out has now officially begun. Please feel free to freak out with me... only if you would like to!

Another thought quite related to this... Kendahl (my bff MG) and I are obsessed with wedding videos, in particular done by one David Perry. He's based in Salt Lake and we basically stalk his video blog! AHmazing is all I can say! If I would be able to afford it... I'd LOVE for him to do my wedding. But I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. However... I would love to share the newest video he has up (I secretly love it more because it's in San Diego... and I'm from there!) and the first like... 30 seconds is really all ya'll really need to pay attention to because it just makes me so happy!

http://davidperryfilms.squarespace.com

Anyway.. probably the only time I'll share something like this until I'm engaged. So enjoy it!

More thoughts. Totally unrelated to my personal life... let me just say that I've never been so frustrated with a single job in all of my working career... that is, all six years of it. I come home most nights so frustrated and upset with either myself, the job, the industry, or a wonderful combo of all three. Even after my vent session with my adored mentor one night, sometimes I can't help but wonder if I'm being pushed too hard. If people think I'm better and stronger than I really am. Maybe my expectations and those that others have for me are too hard for me to obtain. Too much growth in a short amount of time?? Definitely getting stress marks from all of this. Don't get me wrong, the place I'm at right now is great but there's just always one thing a day that totally throws me off and blows my goals for the day. Sometimes I feel like I'm either being stagnent or even regressing. No forward movement has been made it seems and it's terrible to feel like that's what's really happening.

On top of all of this, it begins to make me worried that maybe I am over my head on going to Austria. Maybe I'm really just going to make a fool of myself when I get over there. The only word I can think of right now that describes the majority of what I'm feeling is: frustration. I just... it can't be this hard, can it? It's just been a super hard week, working the five days; I'm very much ready to have 4 days off this week and do some relaxing things and get my head back into the game before I jump off into the deep end.

Good news is though... only 5 more months until my comfort and serenity comes back and my stress leaves me. An eternity free of stress... best reward ever for 2 years of trial.