So first and foremost of my thoughts going on in my head... TJ has been out for exactly 19 months today!! Holla! I'm so stinkin excited and will possibly be getting even more annoying as time goes on because this means I only have 5 more months until I get to see him again!!!! AHHHHH :) freaking out has now officially begun. Please feel free to freak out with me... only if you would like to!
Another thought quite related to this... Kendahl (my bff MG) and I are obsessed with wedding videos, in particular done by one David Perry. He's based in Salt Lake and we basically stalk his video blog! AHmazing is all I can say! If I would be able to afford it... I'd LOVE for him to do my wedding. But I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. However... I would love to share the newest video he has up (I secretly love it more because it's in San Diego... and I'm from there!) and the first like... 30 seconds is really all ya'll really need to pay attention to because it just makes me so happy!
Anyway.. probably the only time I'll share something like this until I'm engaged. So enjoy it!
More thoughts. Totally unrelated to my personal life... let me just say that I've never been so frustrated with a single job in all of my working career... that is, all six years of it. I come home most nights so frustrated and upset with either myself, the job, the industry, or a wonderful combo of all three. Even after my vent session with my adored mentor one night, sometimes I can't help but wonder if I'm being pushed too hard. If people think I'm better and stronger than I really am. Maybe my expectations and those that others have for me are too hard for me to obtain. Too much growth in a short amount of time?? Definitely getting stress marks from all of this. Don't get me wrong, the place I'm at right now is great but there's just always one thing a day that totally throws me off and blows my goals for the day. Sometimes I feel like I'm either being stagnent or even regressing. No forward movement has been made it seems and it's terrible to feel like that's what's really happening.
On top of all of this, it begins to make me worried that maybe I am over my head on going to Austria. Maybe I'm really just going to make a fool of myself when I get over there. The only word I can think of right now that describes the majority of what I'm feeling is: frustration. I just... it can't be this hard, can it? It's just been a super hard week, working the five days; I'm very much ready to have 4 days off this week and do some relaxing things and get my head back into the game before I jump off into the deep end.
Good news is though... only 5 more months until my comfort and serenity comes back and my stress leaves me. An eternity free of stress... best reward ever for 2 years of trial.
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