I'll admit, with the time winding down to the homecoming/reunion, I sometimes begin to worry about the what if's. The biggest one is "what if it just doesn't feel right after 2 years when we see each other?" And it's scary... to think that I've spent 2 1/2 years with someone (most of the time with him away) and it just might not work out when everything is all settled and we can finally take a breath once again... my mind has been going on and off. Yet, as I think about these things through, I recieve comfort that all is ok and to have faith.
Faith. Such an interesting attribute. Just when I think I have it, something comes along to knock me down and I end up thinking "where's my faith?! I just had it!" and it takes me sometime to regain my position and become strong once more. I do have faith, I really do. Just sometimes I forget it or forget what I know when I am in my despairing thoughts.
Throughout the mission, I've had worries ie "what if's?" but never felt compelled do act upon them. Weird I know. Here's a little story for you wonderful readers:
Once upon a time I was in real like with this guy and while he and I were both off at school, I began to feel like I needed to break whatever it was we had, off. I was confused as to why I had these feelings and began to read my scriptures for an answer. I was impressed to go to a scripture in D&C and as I read it, I felt happy that I had found an answer but, at the time, had no idea what it meant. Later, my heart was broken by this boy and I reflected back on that scripture often.
Fast forward about 4 years, I am on the last leg of the waiting for a missionary. Like I had said before, I have had what if's and freak outs throughout the whole mission and yet something has always comforted me and have always felt like I needed to continue on in this journey. I cannot tell you how many times I have read my scriptures to get my answer from the Lord, fully expecting that same scripture in D&C from before to pop into my mind, and yet being directed to scriptures about faith and trusting in the Lord. I'm sure that looking back 5 years from now, in hindsight, I'll say to myself "how could you not know what that meant?!" I'm a slow learner at times it seems...
One scripture that I've always come to and has stuck out in my mind is found in Matthew 14, the latter end of the chapter. Before, in these types of instances, my mind has always been drawn to the part where Peter goes out and walks on water to talk to Christ and when he is within arms reach of the Lord, he begins to lose faith and sinks within the water. The part that had stuck out to me always has been vs 31 when Christ "immediately stretched forth his hand and caught him and said unto him, O ye of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?" That part had helped me through so much to know that there was no need to doubt with Christ so close to my side to be there and lift me up when I began to worry.
However, today my mind was drawn to an earlier part of the story. I was sitting in church not totally paying attention to the first speaker until he began to tell this story and it was his emphasis on the 25th verse which said "and in the fourth watch of the night Jesus went unto them, walking on the sea." For some reason this really caught my attention and it caused my mind to mull it over. Sometimes when we ask for relief or for comfort or for saving or for any kind of answer we may need, it isn't until the fourth watch of the night, or until the last minute that we are given what we desired, if that's what the Lord willed. Sometimes we are made to wait and have our faith tested until He comes to help, comfort, reassure or whatever the case may be. I just began to feel that my faith during this trial will continue to be tested until the fourth watch. That I have to wait until the very end to get what I've been asking for: for comfort, validation, reassurance, and strength.
Funny how faith works. Faith requires patience in the Lord and His timing. It requires you to become humble enough for the answer and for the wait to have the mysteries of God unfolded.
"Sometimes beautiful things come into our lives out of nowhere. We can't always understand them, but we have to trust in them. I know you want to question everything, but sometimes it pays to just have a little faith.” I guess it all just comes down to faith, especially in the last moments of the wait.
Faith. Such an interesting attribute. Just when I think I have it, something comes along to knock me down and I end up thinking "where's my faith?! I just had it!" and it takes me sometime to regain my position and become strong once more. I do have faith, I really do. Just sometimes I forget it or forget what I know when I am in my despairing thoughts.
Throughout the mission, I've had worries ie "what if's?" but never felt compelled do act upon them. Weird I know. Here's a little story for you wonderful readers:
Once upon a time I was in real like with this guy and while he and I were both off at school, I began to feel like I needed to break whatever it was we had, off. I was confused as to why I had these feelings and began to read my scriptures for an answer. I was impressed to go to a scripture in D&C and as I read it, I felt happy that I had found an answer but, at the time, had no idea what it meant. Later, my heart was broken by this boy and I reflected back on that scripture often.
Fast forward about 4 years, I am on the last leg of the waiting for a missionary. Like I had said before, I have had what if's and freak outs throughout the whole mission and yet something has always comforted me and have always felt like I needed to continue on in this journey. I cannot tell you how many times I have read my scriptures to get my answer from the Lord, fully expecting that same scripture in D&C from before to pop into my mind, and yet being directed to scriptures about faith and trusting in the Lord. I'm sure that looking back 5 years from now, in hindsight, I'll say to myself "how could you not know what that meant?!" I'm a slow learner at times it seems...
One scripture that I've always come to and has stuck out in my mind is found in Matthew 14, the latter end of the chapter. Before, in these types of instances, my mind has always been drawn to the part where Peter goes out and walks on water to talk to Christ and when he is within arms reach of the Lord, he begins to lose faith and sinks within the water. The part that had stuck out to me always has been vs 31 when Christ "immediately stretched forth his hand and caught him and said unto him, O ye of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?" That part had helped me through so much to know that there was no need to doubt with Christ so close to my side to be there and lift me up when I began to worry.
However, today my mind was drawn to an earlier part of the story. I was sitting in church not totally paying attention to the first speaker until he began to tell this story and it was his emphasis on the 25th verse which said "and in the fourth watch of the night Jesus went unto them, walking on the sea." For some reason this really caught my attention and it caused my mind to mull it over. Sometimes when we ask for relief or for comfort or for saving or for any kind of answer we may need, it isn't until the fourth watch of the night, or until the last minute that we are given what we desired, if that's what the Lord willed. Sometimes we are made to wait and have our faith tested until He comes to help, comfort, reassure or whatever the case may be. I just began to feel that my faith during this trial will continue to be tested until the fourth watch. That I have to wait until the very end to get what I've been asking for: for comfort, validation, reassurance, and strength.
Funny how faith works. Faith requires patience in the Lord and His timing. It requires you to become humble enough for the answer and for the wait to have the mysteries of God unfolded.
"Sometimes beautiful things come into our lives out of nowhere. We can't always understand them, but we have to trust in them. I know you want to question everything, but sometimes it pays to just have a little faith.” I guess it all just comes down to faith, especially in the last moments of the wait.
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