Not to break out in song... sorry to disappoint. My mind has been mulling over a conversation, or rather, mulling over what I had heard from someone who once used to be so dear to me 4 years ago. I won't go into many details of this night, what was said, or what the situation was. However I would like to spew out a few thoughts I've had since this night and what I've come to find out I had learned over the years about love, letting go, and moving on with life once a lemon has been thrown.
Love is a beautiful and wonderful and if we are not careful, we can be swept off of our feet without warning and carried away to places, feelings, and imaginative scenarios that we swear are real. Sometimes we get so carried away in the feelings of love, that rose colored glasses are put over our eyes and we truly believe that "all is well" and begin to overlook weaknesses in others and write it off without a second thought. I learned that it is vital for us to slow down and truly look at a person's character, habits, tendencies, strengths, and weaknesses to really find out if this match is a good one... we can't afford to live in the honeymoon stage forever, not matter how perfect it may seem.
Yet when you find that person, whom you can love their imperfections perfectly... you. hold. on! You can't let them go no matter what. If that person who you don't want to ever live without is within your reach, you work and work and work to make that relationship last. Comparing my two boys to one another, I realized how much TJ had taught me the importance of working within a relationship instead of discarding it when worries and difficulties came along. There were a couple of times in the course of our dating where I thought TJ and I had a legitmate excuse to breakup because so many others would've but he would always ask "do you want to?" of course, our answers were the same. I realized that it was not ok to throw a relationship to the wayside just because life courses weren't going as planned.
When I was broken up with, it took years to realize this, it was actually a really good thing to happen to me. Even though I physically ached inside for months and wasn't healing quickly and became depressed over "the love of my life" breaking my heart, all of the times with him together and away from him, was a good learning experience. I do not regret it at all. That relationship thing whatever you want to call it, had good times along with bad times.... it was all needed to make me who I am today and realize exactly what it was I truly wanted. I learned how important it was for me to finally let go and find myself and be content with who I was as a person before I could give my love and my whole self to another. I had to have a solid relationship with my Heavenly Father before I could trust my heart to another. I learned how crucial it is to allow God into my relationships and to consult with him before moving forward in that aspect of my life.
I learned to let go of something that this boy was right about but is now questioning: it wouldn't have worked out with us. We were both too young and inexperienced to know who we would've wanted to spend eternity with. We both needed to grow up and because we did and because of that night's conversation, I realized how much I had grown in the 4 years of the heartache and life's different experiences, I realized how different we were now. I walked away from that night with a confirmation that I had chosen right in TJ and moving forward with my life. I had an amazing man who know how special I was and how lucky he was to have me and didn't have to lose me to figure that out.
I don't regret a single thing that has happened to me or the choices I have made... I have become who I am; a stonger, more independant, loving, and compassionate person because of all I've been through. I love myself and I wouldn't change a thing.
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