Growing Pains...

Hey all! It's been forever since I last posted and the reason being... my computer was at the doctors for about a week and a half... and I can't post from my iTouch (lame sauce) but now I'm back! So now you all are back to being subjected to my thoughts, joy.

First is a bit of some amazing news! There is an opportunity to be a part of a competition team from my school that is going to Austria to compete against some of the industry's top people world wide... guess who gets to compete?! Yeah. ME!! Say wha?! Who told them I was good enough... psh I don't know but I do know is that I'M GOING TO AUSTRIA!!! yeah baby! here

is a map of Austria just so you know what this tiny country looks like:

The competition is going to be held in Innsbruck, Austria which is smack dab in the middle between the German and Italian borders. So not only do I get to go to freakin Austria and show up industry professionals in competitions but I'll also be able to spend a day in Germany and a day in Italy! Whaaaa! Am I excited?! Maybe just a little... and the best part of it all.... I don't pay a single thing for it! (except the passport... that's it!) I'm going to Austria!

However.... a BIG however... going to Austria is going to involve a lot of pain (mentally, emotionally, physically etc) in order to be prepared for what is ahead. I'm going to have to practice... a lot. Practices are going to be at 6 am, 3-4 days a week. 2 hours long. From July 13th until we leave in September. Then research on top of it. Getting into a flow with my partner in crime so that we can smash it in Austria. It means that my self-value and perception of how I do my food will be absolutely crushed within the first hour of practice. One look from the coach and I will know that my food sucked. I will get back into that low spot where I began to believe that I had absolutely no business in this industry and that I'm not good enough... this is all part of the molding. This will prepare me for what's to come in Innsbruck... this is what's going to make me the best.

My mentor wants me to get a second job. I love the man but sometimes I question where his head is sometimes; it's hard to keep up with someone like him... he's always thinking a step or five ahead of everyone else. He was the one who introduced me to my current job. Now he wants to to take on another job after I graduate in September at a restaurant that is heading very close to a James Beard award or recognition. I'd be a junior sous chef, doing production; checking in deliveries; talking to farmers; working closely next to one of the best chefs in AZ. Another chef to yell at me. Sometimes I wonder if the monster he's trying to turn me into is too big for what I can handle. Sure... mold me, I'm willing... but sometimes I question the sanity, even my own.

This growing into a monster, taking the steps necessary, is a lot harder and more painful I'd ever imagined it being. Mind you, I haven't grown since the ninth grade, I'm not used to this growing thing. It hurts. I begin to wonder if it all really is worth it; if it truly will bring me happiness. I've never worked so hard for something so far off in the distance. I guess the painful thing about this whole journey is not being able to clearly see what the end is. I'll just have to keep trucking a long and say "yes chef" to see where I end up.