One Hand

Us MG's (missionary girlfriend's) like to refer to "one hand" as 5 MONTHS LEFT! Get it... because you can count the number of months left on 1 hand...

So that's it. One hand. 5 months. 152 days. Left. It's so surreal! It's finally happening... and in 12 hours... I get a lovely letter. Life could not get better right now. Time to start making some welcome home plans and get things underway.

Little Miracles... Tender Mercies.

I had somewhat of a mental breakdown early (veeery early) this morning; partially due to lack of sleep and the time it was and another due to what was causing so much stress and frustration in my life. Here's a little bit of fact some of you may not know... I teach the 3-4 year olds at church (Sunbeams) and they can be a bit... challenging, 4 of them sometimes seems too much to handle occasionally. This morning, I felt like a complete wreck, puffy eyes and all and still hadn't read my lesson to teach my kids today. Totally unprepared and honestly, I really didn't feel like teaching them today, I just wanted to hide away in Relief Society with all the old bitties and call it a day. However, I know what I needed to do and that I was called to teach these kids for a reason (that and there was absolutely NO way I'd be able to find a substitute for my class in 15 mins while I was still at church). So I sucked it up.

Let me tell you... Heavenly Father knows exactly what we need and when we need it. It wasn't the relief I was looking for at all but it was the relief my soul needed. I went to Primary and to my complete shock... I only had 1 kid in primary... 1 and the presidency didn't even offer to have me combine with the other Sunbeam class. I just had to watch one boy (who does happen to be my favorite, I'll admit) and it was just nice to sit back and have him sit on my lap. "We" (the boy and I) learned "I Love to See the Temple" today and during class, we just sat on the floor, he had Cheerios and Pops, I drew him fireworks, we had a tiny lesson on families... and I was able to just feel calm and enjoy my time with him.

I really feel like a little child sometimes that just needs to be held and comforted. I've always liked this picture of the Savior because I just feel this way sometimes. I just need to be held and comforted in the way that's best for me. I definitely felt the Saviors love for me through this little tender mercy.

Even though I was having a not-so-righteous-pity party, I always know that the Lord is there to help me whenever I need it, I just have to turn to Him and allow the help to come to me. He's more than willing, I just have to recognize it when it comes! PS. Just found this picture... I love it as well! So this day turned out to be a great day after all, now I the renewed strength I need to carry on and keep doing what the Lord would have me do.

Many Thoughts

So first and foremost of my thoughts going on in my head... TJ has been out for exactly 19 months today!! Holla! I'm so stinkin excited and will possibly be getting even more annoying as time goes on because this means I only have 5 more months until I get to see him again!!!! AHHHHH :) freaking out has now officially begun. Please feel free to freak out with me... only if you would like to!

Another thought quite related to this... Kendahl (my bff MG) and I are obsessed with wedding videos, in particular done by one David Perry. He's based in Salt Lake and we basically stalk his video blog! AHmazing is all I can say! If I would be able to afford it... I'd LOVE for him to do my wedding. But I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. However... I would love to share the newest video he has up (I secretly love it more because it's in San Diego... and I'm from there!) and the first like... 30 seconds is really all ya'll really need to pay attention to because it just makes me so happy!

http://davidperryfilms.squarespace.com

Anyway.. probably the only time I'll share something like this until I'm engaged. So enjoy it!

More thoughts. Totally unrelated to my personal life... let me just say that I've never been so frustrated with a single job in all of my working career... that is, all six years of it. I come home most nights so frustrated and upset with either myself, the job, the industry, or a wonderful combo of all three. Even after my vent session with my adored mentor one night, sometimes I can't help but wonder if I'm being pushed too hard. If people think I'm better and stronger than I really am. Maybe my expectations and those that others have for me are too hard for me to obtain. Too much growth in a short amount of time?? Definitely getting stress marks from all of this. Don't get me wrong, the place I'm at right now is great but there's just always one thing a day that totally throws me off and blows my goals for the day. Sometimes I feel like I'm either being stagnent or even regressing. No forward movement has been made it seems and it's terrible to feel like that's what's really happening.

On top of all of this, it begins to make me worried that maybe I am over my head on going to Austria. Maybe I'm really just going to make a fool of myself when I get over there. The only word I can think of right now that describes the majority of what I'm feeling is: frustration. I just... it can't be this hard, can it? It's just been a super hard week, working the five days; I'm very much ready to have 4 days off this week and do some relaxing things and get my head back into the game before I jump off into the deep end.

Good news is though... only 5 more months until my comfort and serenity comes back and my stress leaves me. An eternity free of stress... best reward ever for 2 years of trial.

Story Time!!!

So I bet a good number of you guys are wondering how did my boy and I come to be? Well... here's the story! I was sending it to a friend and I thought I'd share it with you guys :) enjoy! It's quite long but such a good read if I do say so myself!

My TJ and I met through a mutual friend in high school my senior year. One of my earliest memories of TJ was when our friend, TJ, I, and a few other people went tubing down the Salt River here in AZ and our friend lost her shoes down the river. At the end of the river, we were going to have to climb a steep hill of dirt and gravel to get back to where the buses could pick us up and take us back to the parking lot; the ground was going to be suuuuper hot and I offered our friend to wear my flip flops until we got back to the cars and I’d figure out a way to not get blisters on my feet. TJ instantly offered to carry me, with our two tubes up the hill to where the buses would pick us up and until we got back to the cars. And so he did, he carried me and held me so that my feet didn’t have to touch the burning hot asphalt and so our friend could wear shoes on her feet. However, even after this, I was interested in a different boy at the time, our friend was madly in love with TJ, and TJ was busy dating tons of girls, so I didn’t really even bother showing great interest. However, I do remember thinking he was a cute guy and was really funny and happy all the time. I knew he was different.
6 months after I had graduated from high school, I had my world turned upside down in that short amount of time. I found myself dirt poor, 8 hours away from home at school, no job, no food, and the boy I was very interested in at the time, destroyed my little heart and I sunk into terrible depression. I had to move back home and start all over again. I got a job while I was home and was determined to save up money to go back to Utah for school that fall. In February of 2008, TJ found out that I was back home and quickly got my number from yet, another mutual friend and called me that week to see how I was doing. He invited to go bowling with him and some friends; I was still very much grieving my heartbreak and thought we were just going to be hanging out so I agreed. He picked me up, opened my door, was a gentleman and we were off to the bowling alley. When we got there, I quickly realized this was a group date… and freaked out! But I suppressed it and tried to have a good time. TJ was flirting sooo much (he’s cute!) with me and I with him. I had a great time but when I realized I was flirting with TJ and enjoying the date, I immediately shut down and pushed him away. Poor boy was so confused…
For the next few months, off and on, we would text occasionally but nothing huge. He had another girlfriend and I was still very determined to go back to Utah for school. That summer, we did hang out once and I made him an amazing first dinner, we went on a walk (didn’t hold hands… dang it!), and then went to institute together and had an awesome time. Mind you, he was still dating his then girlfriend… I’m not a home wrecker I promise! We had an awesome conversation as I drove him back home about the Lord’s plan for all of us and the pain I was dealing with. Even though we weren’t together, he still was there for me and helping me cope for all that had happened.
I moved to Utah for school that fall and thought I wouldn’t ever really see him again. However, one day while terribly bored at work, I felt like I should text him (we hadn’t talked in months mind you) and see how he was doing. From then on, texting each other became a bit more regular, every week or so we’d send a text to each other. The last part of October 2008, TJ told me that he got his mission call and I was so excited for him! I would be writing another missionary! As time got closer for me to come home for Christmas break I asked him if he would like to do baptisms with me at the temple before he left for the MTC; he loved the idea and we made a plan to do so. I also found out that he was single (holla!!) and was sort of free game. When I came home for break, I was scheduled to have my wisdom teeth taken out and he told me he was going to go camping a beach in Cali with his best friend one last time before he left but promised he’d go to the temple with me before he left for the MTC. He also asked if he could get me anything from Cali and I said that all I wanted was a jar of sand. A week later, with my gross face packed with gauze, TJ stopped by with a jar of sand from the beach he and his friend stayed at. He also took some paint chips from a nearby wall and stuck them in there and hoped I liked them. That Sunday, I went to his farewell talk at church and couldn’t believe he was leaving. I was the last one to hug him out of the congregation and was starting to like him mucho! He invited me to his Sunday school class and we walked there with our arms behind the others back. We left the church before third hour to go to his house to get setup for the farewell. Sadly… I was beckoned back home and wasn’t able to stay at all for his farewell. Later the next week, we finally went to the temple together to do baptisms and I could not stop smiling the whole time I was with him, I wanted to hold his hand sooo badly.. but he was leaving so I couldn’t. While at the temple, we had so many workers there thinking we were dating or engaged which is hilarious in hindsight. While in the baptistry, we were sitting on opposite sides of the room and one of the workers came over to me and whispered “you can sit with your boyfriend, its ok.” Instead of protesting, I just got up, sat next to TJ and told TJ what was said and he thought it was hilarious. After the temple, I met some of his family and then we went back to my house so I could make him another amazing dinner. When he went to leave, I walked him out to his car, we hugged and he said “I’m going to miss you Marlee Michelle.” I told him I was going to miss him too. Then we said see you in two years! The night before he entered the MTC, he called me and we talked for a few minutes. We told each other we would miss the other and that he’d be an amazing missionary. Before we hung up, he said “Marlee, please promise me that you won’t get married while I’m on my mission.” My little naïve self at the time didn’t know what he was trying to get at and I said you got it! We hung up, I cried a little and thought that was it…
TJ ended up having to come back home for a year to take care of some business and I was the first person he had told he was back. I was in Utah for the Spring semester and had no way of seeing him. So we began texting each other all day, every day for the year he was home and quickly became best friends. Soon after we began texting, he asked if he could begin calling me but never promised to call me every night… yet that’s what he ended up doing from then on. In that phone call he mentioned how he wanted to come up and visit me in Utah. We planned on Spring Break for him to come up that way we could have fun for 4 days instead of 2. I was so stinkin excited to see him and was counting down the days. So in March, he came up for a week to see me and we had so much fun! We watched a ton of movies, went out to eat, went hiking, I learned how to longboard, and he became my first kiss that week. We were both so sad when he had to leave at the end of the week and I started to miss him so much. We had no idea what was going to happen with us, if anything would progress since we were 8 hours away. But we kept texting each other every day and we both began to fall in love with each other.
At the end of the semester, I decided that I needed to move back home in AZ because I couldn’t afford living in Utah anymore. The only problem was that I came to this decision the last day of school and had no way of getting home; he knew of my dilemma and said that if I decided to move back home, to let him know and he’d be there to move me. All he was given was a days notice and he was up in Utah packing up his car with my stuff and moving me back home. The next day, we became an official couple and have been together ever since. We spent almost every day that summer together, we grew more in love with each other, made mistakes, loved each other even more and kept trucking. The Fall of 2009, I moved 2 hours up north for school and he would drive up to see me every Saturday and bring food with him from my mom. We made our relationship work and grew even more together. TJ got his mission call the beginning of November, I felt strongly that I needed to wait for him and that everything would be ok. We went to a fancy institute dance together (we call it our “prom”) soon after and he drove me home for my birthday which also was the last weekend we had together.

We celebrated my birthday by going to the temple, playing dress up at DI, having cake at my house and watching a movie, and then going out to sushi for dinner. The perfect last date for two years. The last time we saw each other, however, was not left on a happy note and I seriously regret it but we quickly made up and were happy that night. TJ’s last day as a “civi” we spent texting each other since I was back at school and we said our goodbye over the phone. He was supposed to be set apart the Sunday before he reported to the MTC but since his mom was out of time, they decided to hold off until the day before he reported. The night he was to be set apart, the time of the setting apart got delayed from 7 at night until 9 that night; that meant we had 3 hours to talk and say goodbye to each other. Before we hung up for the last time, I told TJ “make me proud Sweetheart!” And he replied with “I will work my hardest to deserve you Honey. I love you.” And with a click… that was it. He was off to honorably serve our Lord for 2 of the most amazing years. TJ was set apart as a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints of Latter Day Saints on December 1st 2009 at 9:00pm and reported to the MTC on December 2nd 2009 at 11:00am.
Waiting for the love of my life has been the most rewarding experience ever; with all of its ups and downs, it has been so worth it. We have grown even more together and love each other much deeper than we could ever imagine. We only have about 5 months until we are united again and then we can start our eternity together. I love Elder Taylor Jordan Brady with all of my heart and he has made me so incredibly proud! He does deserve me and I can’t wait to be with him again!! It won’t be long.

Growing Pains...

Hey all! It's been forever since I last posted and the reason being... my computer was at the doctors for about a week and a half... and I can't post from my iTouch (lame sauce) but now I'm back! So now you all are back to being subjected to my thoughts, joy.

First is a bit of some amazing news! There is an opportunity to be a part of a competition team from my school that is going to Austria to compete against some of the industry's top people world wide... guess who gets to compete?! Yeah. ME!! Say wha?! Who told them I was good enough... psh I don't know but I do know is that I'M GOING TO AUSTRIA!!! yeah baby! here

is a map of Austria just so you know what this tiny country looks like:

The competition is going to be held in Innsbruck, Austria which is smack dab in the middle between the German and Italian borders. So not only do I get to go to freakin Austria and show up industry professionals in competitions but I'll also be able to spend a day in Germany and a day in Italy! Whaaaa! Am I excited?! Maybe just a little... and the best part of it all.... I don't pay a single thing for it! (except the passport... that's it!) I'm going to Austria!

However.... a BIG however... going to Austria is going to involve a lot of pain (mentally, emotionally, physically etc) in order to be prepared for what is ahead. I'm going to have to practice... a lot. Practices are going to be at 6 am, 3-4 days a week. 2 hours long. From July 13th until we leave in September. Then research on top of it. Getting into a flow with my partner in crime so that we can smash it in Austria. It means that my self-value and perception of how I do my food will be absolutely crushed within the first hour of practice. One look from the coach and I will know that my food sucked. I will get back into that low spot where I began to believe that I had absolutely no business in this industry and that I'm not good enough... this is all part of the molding. This will prepare me for what's to come in Innsbruck... this is what's going to make me the best.

My mentor wants me to get a second job. I love the man but sometimes I question where his head is sometimes; it's hard to keep up with someone like him... he's always thinking a step or five ahead of everyone else. He was the one who introduced me to my current job. Now he wants to to take on another job after I graduate in September at a restaurant that is heading very close to a James Beard award or recognition. I'd be a junior sous chef, doing production; checking in deliveries; talking to farmers; working closely next to one of the best chefs in AZ. Another chef to yell at me. Sometimes I wonder if the monster he's trying to turn me into is too big for what I can handle. Sure... mold me, I'm willing... but sometimes I question the sanity, even my own.

This growing into a monster, taking the steps necessary, is a lot harder and more painful I'd ever imagined it being. Mind you, I haven't grown since the ninth grade, I'm not used to this growing thing. It hurts. I begin to wonder if it all really is worth it; if it truly will bring me happiness. I've never worked so hard for something so far off in the distance. I guess the painful thing about this whole journey is not being able to clearly see what the end is. I'll just have to keep trucking a long and say "yes chef" to see where I end up.

Gratitude

I had an enlightening moment tonight... rather a few moments actually. I was having a bit of a rough week this past week, just a mix between stress from work and school on top of a few things that haven't gone the way I would've liked them to go, but that's life right. Just gotta roll with the punches, no matter how many or how hard those punches are. My mom and I were just talking tonight about a tour I took with my mom and brother at the jail facility my mom works at and somethings were said about my relationship status that kinda hurt and I was getting all frustrated with my whole love life situation.

I was sitting on my bed, trying to catch up my boy with my already flopped week with some unfortunate events and was definitely having a pity party for one... yeah selfish enough to keep all this misery to myself. As I was telling him about my day in church, all of a sudden I had remembered that over the past few weeks or months, I had began to think about all of the little things I was blessed with. I felt like I needed to write them out in his letter and let me tell you... I have been one reeeally ungrateful punk lately. I honestly, have no reason to complain or think how my life is so hard. The only things I have to really tackle are my wandering thoughts and how I deal with stress... bam. That's it. I have all of my limbs, I have wonderful vision. I have safe shelter, a family who loves me, supportive friends, quite a few talents, I have an education, I have an amazing and caring boy who treats me like a queen, I have an awesome dog that waits up all hours of the night until I come home and cuddles with me on the couch, I can read and write, I have a 4.0 in school....

Need I say more?! There is a scripture that says something around the lines that nothing offends God more than those who do not confess his name in all things. Definitely also includes those who are not grateful for all that the Lord sees fit to bless them with. So what if my knees belong to an 80 year old... at least I have them. So what if I have more curves than a road going down a mountain, at least I don't have medical issues that would make me a walking death trap. So what if I get annoyed at my family once in while, at least EVERY single one of them is safe and I am able to see them everyday. So what if my boyfriend is 2,000+ miles away... at least I have one (and a pretty dang good one too!) that loves me and treats me better than I could've ever imagined. There's just sooo much to be grateful for and I honestly can't find any true problem that I have that other's don't. So, Marlee, get over yourself and start embracing the blessings you do have. It could be worse... it could be raining.

Sooo... hopefully this bit of rambling made sense to you all and I'm just not putting things out in space. Maybe I am. But this was just my little piece of thoughts I had tonight that I'd thought I'd share.

It Won't Be Long

I woke up this morning BOUNDING out of my bed, to my little shelf and grabbed my stickers because today marked TJ being on his mission for 18... yeah count 'em, 18 months!!! Do you know how long that is?! Let me tell you! 18 months equals

• 78 weeks
• 574.94 days
• 13, 150+ hours

... you get my drift! However this only means that he only has

• 6.24 months

OR

• 26.72 weeks

OR

• 187.06 days

left until I get to see him again! Last year, I could only dream of this happening! And now it really is! As I was getting ready for school today, I could not help but listen to these two songs from the Beatles because they describe exactly how I am feeling today

It Won't Be Long

Aaaaaand....

Please Mister Postman!

Both are excellent and I am so glad that I am now a Beatles fan for almost 2 years! I'm so incredibly grateful that my boyfriend is a missionary! I'm so proud of him and I can't think of a better way to be spending this time than with him! It won't be long til he's home with me!