This post is for you, my girls! As the days are quickly approaching, I have felt that I needed to post specifically for you, to give advice, hope, consolation, stories... you name it, I would like to give that to you ladies. Let me just tell you all how much I love you... I love every single one of you! Those who I've known the entire time I've been apart of this process and those who are just now entering as I am making my exit. Each one of you girls has a special purpose and a special plan that only you can figure out.
Before I ever became a missionary girlfriend, I thought that the entire thought of "waiting" was, quite honestly, the stupidest thing a girl could ever do. Yes... I was a dreaded waiter hater. I never shared my views with girls who I knew were waiting vocally, I always kept them to myself. I never thought I'd understand why girls would put their lives on hold... for a boy! Come on! A boy... then again, I was slightly a boy hater at the time too. I was brought up and taught to be independent of the male species and to rely on only myself to accomplish anything or for happiness.
My whole world and thoughts then changed when I met this boy and he kept being reintroduced into my life. I had sworn that I would never wait for a missionary, even when I was writing 8 of my best guy friends on their missions. I would never put my life on hold for someone, I was living for me and going to accomplish what I wanted to in life, whether or not I had a guy with me. However, I fell in love with this boy and fell hard. Now I know that we all have control over our feelings and emotions and that we are never forced to be with someone... yet it felt like falling in love with him was what was supposed to happen, that becoming close with him was what I needed to do. I had thought about him and myself a lot! I knew he was going to go back on his mission and that he was going to be gone for 2 years... I would not see him for over 730 days. As time passed, I felt certain that waiting for him was the best choice for us, him, and me.
After he left for the MTC and 9 weeks later, his mission, life for me changed and I had to figure out how to live without him and what exactly was "waiting" for me. I still was not going to put my life on hold... but was I going to wait? What was I going to do for school? For work? What life experiences would I embark on? All of these questions came up to me and I started my journey as a missionary girlfriend. I made some major life changes, moved home and lived for me. I made friends, working an awesome job, joined the MG group on Facebook, and got to do some incredible things!
Girls, I never stopped living while he was gone! Yes we wrote each other every week and sent tapes and packages and things of that such but I still did what I had to for me to be the best I could be for my future. I prayed a ton! I cried a ton. I worried a ton. I laughed a ton. I learned a ton and I'm so grateful for these past two years of my life being away from him. I do love him dearly, I truly do. But I would never regret a single thing I've done or haven't done during his mission; it all happened for a reason.
There were quite a few times where I wanted to write him off because I was hurting so bad, having crazy doubts, concerns, and dwelling too much on the past. I wanted it all to stop, for all the bad things to go away and for me to have some sort of sanity again but there was always something that kept me going. Every time I went to write him and tell him I wanted to stop... that's when the Lord stepped in and consoled my aching spirit and gave me the comfort and strength I needed to move on and keep supporting one of His sons doing His work. Girls, don't ever give up! No matter how hard times get, no matter how much you hurt or think you can't go another day waiting... remember why you are in the first place. Remember your missionary and what he's going through everyday trying to share the gospel with others. They need our support and our love.
Once, in institute, we were talking about why men carry an older picture of their wives in their wallets instead of current ones. My institute teacher explained that for them, that was their "Day One" the day when they knew she was "the one." I shared that with Taylor when he was on his mission and when I was going through my period of tough times, he would always say "Marlee Michelle, remember our day one..." Girls... if you know that this is what you need to be doing, remember! Remember your Day One with your missionary... that day will get you through the hardest periods of time of the mission.
Grow with your missionary!!! Learn and share with him what you're doing in your letters. Taylor had his first interview with his mission president when he got to the field and after he told president he had a girl back home, the mission president expressed how important it was for the girl to grow with the missionary. If you want this to work, grow like he is! Taylor and I made it a goal to read the entire Standard Works during his mission, we read from the Missionary Reference Library together, I studied Preach My Gospel the first 6 months of his mission every single day to connect with him and get a glimpse into what he was doing everyday! I shared with him what I was reading in my scriptures, what verses stuck out to me; I shared with him my pondering and my thoughts on gospel doctrine and principles that I had studied out further. I would go on my little soapbox and be Missionary Marlee for a paragraph or so and he loved it! Grow in the gospel with him! Make sure that you two can talk about gospel topics with one another and have serious spiritual discussions... make sure that you two are at the same level as one another.
A goal I had made once he left, was to go to the temple as often as I could. When I moved home, I tried my best to go every week and do baptisms. There was a point where I didn't go for 3 months because I thought that I "didn't have enough time." Ha! You always have time to go! Make the time. There is nothing like stepping into the temple and just setting time aside for yourself in the middle of the week and feeling of the spirit there. Going to the temple truly helped me unwind and get a grip on my life to take on the following week.
I have never prayed so much and had long sincere prayers before in my entire life but I needed it if there was any hope of me making through this mission with my sanity still in tact. I learned so much about the Atonement, forgiveness, Heavenly Father's perception of me, about my Savior and how much I need them whether I was waiting for a missionary or not. I learned how to really listen to the Spirit and receive the guidance I needed for my life and what directions I needed to take. I learned how to keep going when it felt like everything was against me. Even though times got hard, it didn't mean it was a sign to end things... just a sign that a lesson was headed my way. I took this opportunity to learn what my Heavenly Father needed me to learn in these two years and apply it to my life.
You girls feel like sisters to me. I was directed to this secret world of MG's by a good friend who married her missionary. I was hesitant to join, thinking that if I did so... I was jinxing myself. However... this group has saved me! I always felt like if I ever needed to hear something to help me, I could find it on one of your girl's posts! I admire how you girls are going through what life is throwing at you while your boys are away. I admire your faith, your strength, your desire to do righteous things and support your boys. You are all such an inspiration to me and I thank you all for your love and support in the past 16 months I've been apart of this group! I enjoy this secret sisterhood we each have with one another! Keep cheering each other on, consoling one another, supporting one another, rejoicing with another, and keep loving each other! We need each other to help grow and get through this time apart. You will never regret the days you spent as an MG, you'll only regret the days you never lived as an MG. May God bless everyone of you girls and whatever your desires may be! I love you all and hope this post could be of some help to someone reading it. I'll always be here if any of you need me.
Love you ladies!
Marlee Michelle
